NOV. 24-2-11 GROWING NOT OLDER, BUT 'UP'

SHALOM!

I AM CONSTANTLY AMAZED AT MYSELF. HERE I AM, IN LATER YEARS, AND I AM LEARNING NOW TO BE MORE AND MORE INDEPENDENT, TO DO THINGS I WOULD NEVER HAVE DARED TO DO BEFORE, TO LIVE AND LIVE AND TO ENJOY WHATEVER I CAN IN A MODEST AMOUNT. SOMEHOW, I WAS ALWAYS FEARFUL OF MAKING A MISTAKE, OF DOING THE WRONG THING, WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK OF ME. AND NOW, SUDDENLY, I AM FILLED WITH MORE SELF-CONFIDENCE, AND DON'T WAIT FOR OTHERS TO FILL MY NEEDS OF 'SOMEONE TO GO WITH'.

PERHAPS IT IS THE RESULT OF LIVING THRU' AND WITH CANCER, WITH ALL THE AFTER-EFFECTS WHICH STILL ARE THERE IN DIFFERENT SHADES AND INTENSITY. I KNOW THAT I AM SO MUCH MORE COGNIZANT OF TIME RACING BY, SIMPLY RACING, AND OF MY LIFE'S LONGEVITY AT ONE END OF THE SPHERE.

AND SO, WHY DO I SHARE THIS WITH YOU? MOSTLY IT IS FOR MYSELF -BUT NONE OF US KNOW HOW LONG WE HAVE ON THIS EARTH, AND IF YOU TOO ARE HESITANT TO LIVE AND ENJOY THE SIMPLE THINGS ON EARTH OR THE NOT SO SIMPLE THINGS, PLACES, AND PEOPLE, I SAY-GO FOR IT. ALL WE HAVE IS NOW-YESTERDAY IS GONE-WE CAN'T CHANGE THAT. TOMORROW IS A QUESTION FOR ALL OF US-HEALTHY PEOPLE OR WITH AILMENTS. SO I AM TEACHING MYSELF TO ENJOY DAILY-A GOOD WALK IN THE SUN, TO SIT OUTSIDE IN A COFFEE SHOP ON NICE DAYS, TO READ WHEN SLEEP ELUDES ME, TO LISTEN TO GOOD MUSIC, WHATEVER YOUR OR MY TASTE.

BELONGING TO A CANCER GROUP WHERE WE LEARN PARSHAT HASHUVA AS WELL AS DISCUSS LIFE ISSUES, HAS LED ME TO MUCH QUESTIONING RE FAITH AND EMUNA. BUT I GROPE, READ, ASK NON STOP QUESTIONS, AND AM NOW WRITING MY OWN PRAYERS-IN HEBREW AND ENGLISH. OUR INSTRUCTOR HAS BEEN MOST SUPPORTIVE AND ENCOURAGING IN ALL THESE MATTERS, WHICH HAS SPURRED ME ON.

SO-TO ANY READERS-IF POSSIBLE, LET'S NOT CLOSE OURSELVES OFF FROM OTHER HUMAN BEINGS-COMMUNICATION, CLOSENESS, OPENESS IS SO IMPORTANT AS WELL AS OUR PRIVACY AND QUIET TIMES.

UNTIL WE MEET HERE IN MY BLOG NEXT TIME

BE WELL.