Shalom!
Time, the great equalizer perhaps, the passage of time eases, soothes, stretches on, goes so quickly, continues to plague us-so many different interpretations of this concept of time.
All I know is that almost exactly to the year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I can finally say that I feel somewhat like a normal human being. Fear is always lurking re the unknown, fatigue is a part of me constantly minus the sudden waves of fatigue hitting at me non-stop, but I am functioning more or less normally again.
The release of knowing that this pain of the last 4 months is from A rotator cuff impingement and adhesive capsulitis and not from cancer itself. The terms sound scary, but so far the 2 injections have helped, I am getting proper physio for this ailment. I hope that all the blood work and body bone scan will come out o'kay. It seems that although I feel more normal, I am constantly being tested and checked and running to doctors and/or tests. But thankfully, I am being monitored.
How does cancer change you, improve you, defeat you? Well, I saw such a change in my attitude this past week, when I had planned a 3 day get away to a resort with sessions on good health taking place. This was to be my first venture out of my cancer world of the past year. Not only that, but I was going alone, knowing no one, and not sharing a room with anyone (a first for me).
To make a long story short, I gave my dog to a pension, and with all my nervousness before a trip (I am always tense before leaving my home and security for any length of time), went to the meeting place to only find out that the trip had been cancelled and that I had not been notified.
I was certainly angry at the mismanagement of the organization, but soon after I returned home, thinking, that after all that I have gone thru' this past year, I can't overreact. It just isn't worth my being upset. And so I used my time to finish other things and proceeded on with my life. This is not how I would have reacted before my illness. I would have stayed upset for a long time and more emotionally angry. but now... I just let it flow.
Anyways, c'est la vie. Life has and is going to have its flow upwards and most certainly downwards all along this journey of life.
I wish all of any readers good health and good moments of happiness., and an easy flow thru' life's journey.
Bye for now.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
NOV. 18-10 AN UPDATE
SHALOM:
I AM KEEPING A RUNNING COMMENTARY OF MY LIFE FOR MY CANCER GROUP, FOR MY ABUNDANCE DIARY, AND ALSO THIS BLOG. I RUN OUT OF STEAM TO KEEP UP WITH IT ALL.
SOMEHOW, THANK G. 4 MONTHS AFTER I FINISHED TREATMENTS, THE FATIGUE , ALTHOUGH STILL THERE, IS NOT AS VICIOUS AS BEFORE. I ALWAYS DESCRIBED IT AS WAVES OF FATIGUE WASHING OVER ME INSTANTANEOUSLY. NOW IT COMES, BUT I KNOW TO JUST LIE DOWN, AND ACCEPT IT, AND IT APPEARS LESS VIOLENT. PERHAPS I HAVE JUST LEARNED TO ACCEPT.
MY SON TOOK ME TO TEL HASHOMER HOSPITAL TO THE HEAD OF A PAIN CLINIC FOR MY CONSTANT PAINS IN MY RIGHT SHOULDER, ARM. (SAME SIDE AS SURGERY AND RADIATION. THANK G. CT TEST SHOWED NO CANCER INVOLVEMENT.
THE DR. THERE DIAGNOSED ME IMMEDIATELY AND GAVE ME 2 SHOTS OF CORTISONE, WHICH HAVE HELPED TEMPORARILY. NOW I GO FOR TESTING IN MY WHOLE BODY, BUT THIS SEEMS TO BE ANOTHER PROBLEM UNRELATED TO MY CANCER. HOWEVER THE RADIATION POSITIONING OF MY ARM DAILY, AND NO MOVEMENT ALLOWED, PERHAPS EXASBERATED THE CONDITION OF MY SHOULDER. ANYWAYS, I NOW GO FOR NEW PHYSIO THERAPY, TESTS, ETC. BUT KNOWING THAT IT IS NOT CANCER SURE RELIEVED MY MIND IMMENSELY.
I AM FUNCTIONING MORE LIKE A HUMAN BEING NOW THANK G. AND AM ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR EACH THING THAT I CAN DO OR ATTEND. SINCE I LOVE MY TEACHING, THAT GIVES ME MUCH SATISFACTION. HAVING CARING FAMILY AND FRIENDS ADDS IMMENSELY TO MY SELF ESTEEM. I HAVE BEEN A DIFFICULT PATIENT AT TIMES, LACKING FULL FAITH, BUT I KEEP PLUGGING ALONG.
IT WAS WITH GREAT SADNESS TO HEAR OF THE DEATH OF OTHER CANCER WOMEN LATELY. WE ALL HAVE OUR END SITE, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN TO US. THAT'S WHY WE MUST ENJOY WHAT WE CAN AS LONG AS WE CAN.
AND SO, I FINALLY TOOK A MOVE THIS WEEK OUT OF MY CANCER WORLD AND WORRY-WENT WITH A GROUP OF TEACHERS FOR A DAY'S TIYUL, OUTING. CAME BACK EXHAUSTED BUT SO HAPPY.
I WISH ANY READER PEACE AND HEALTH IN THEIR BODIES AND HEARTS.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME-SHALOM
I AM KEEPING A RUNNING COMMENTARY OF MY LIFE FOR MY CANCER GROUP, FOR MY ABUNDANCE DIARY, AND ALSO THIS BLOG. I RUN OUT OF STEAM TO KEEP UP WITH IT ALL.
SOMEHOW, THANK G. 4 MONTHS AFTER I FINISHED TREATMENTS, THE FATIGUE , ALTHOUGH STILL THERE, IS NOT AS VICIOUS AS BEFORE. I ALWAYS DESCRIBED IT AS WAVES OF FATIGUE WASHING OVER ME INSTANTANEOUSLY. NOW IT COMES, BUT I KNOW TO JUST LIE DOWN, AND ACCEPT IT, AND IT APPEARS LESS VIOLENT. PERHAPS I HAVE JUST LEARNED TO ACCEPT.
MY SON TOOK ME TO TEL HASHOMER HOSPITAL TO THE HEAD OF A PAIN CLINIC FOR MY CONSTANT PAINS IN MY RIGHT SHOULDER, ARM. (SAME SIDE AS SURGERY AND RADIATION. THANK G. CT TEST SHOWED NO CANCER INVOLVEMENT.
THE DR. THERE DIAGNOSED ME IMMEDIATELY AND GAVE ME 2 SHOTS OF CORTISONE, WHICH HAVE HELPED TEMPORARILY. NOW I GO FOR TESTING IN MY WHOLE BODY, BUT THIS SEEMS TO BE ANOTHER PROBLEM UNRELATED TO MY CANCER. HOWEVER THE RADIATION POSITIONING OF MY ARM DAILY, AND NO MOVEMENT ALLOWED, PERHAPS EXASBERATED THE CONDITION OF MY SHOULDER. ANYWAYS, I NOW GO FOR NEW PHYSIO THERAPY, TESTS, ETC. BUT KNOWING THAT IT IS NOT CANCER SURE RELIEVED MY MIND IMMENSELY.
I AM FUNCTIONING MORE LIKE A HUMAN BEING NOW THANK G. AND AM ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR EACH THING THAT I CAN DO OR ATTEND. SINCE I LOVE MY TEACHING, THAT GIVES ME MUCH SATISFACTION. HAVING CARING FAMILY AND FRIENDS ADDS IMMENSELY TO MY SELF ESTEEM. I HAVE BEEN A DIFFICULT PATIENT AT TIMES, LACKING FULL FAITH, BUT I KEEP PLUGGING ALONG.
IT WAS WITH GREAT SADNESS TO HEAR OF THE DEATH OF OTHER CANCER WOMEN LATELY. WE ALL HAVE OUR END SITE, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN TO US. THAT'S WHY WE MUST ENJOY WHAT WE CAN AS LONG AS WE CAN.
AND SO, I FINALLY TOOK A MOVE THIS WEEK OUT OF MY CANCER WORLD AND WORRY-WENT WITH A GROUP OF TEACHERS FOR A DAY'S TIYUL, OUTING. CAME BACK EXHAUSTED BUT SO HAPPY.
I WISH ANY READER PEACE AND HEALTH IN THEIR BODIES AND HEARTS.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME-SHALOM
Thursday, November 4, 2010
NOV. 4-10 GENETIC OUTCOME
SHALOM!
Finally, some solution to the genetic mystery. In the 3major tests given to Jewish Ashkenazi women, I came out clean. As for further testing, which involved a large sum of my own funds, it was decided that since I am less than 5% likely to get ovarian cancer, then my job is to do ovary check ups, called CA 125 tests, twice a year forever and not do the further testing.
Hopefully, this will protect me from not finding out way late in the game re ovarian cancer. At the same time, I am checked periodically by my oncologist and have a mammogram every 6 months for at least this year, and then down to once a year.
I have learned to accept the fatigue and lie down often several times a day. The pain has become part of me, but I will be tested at Tel Hashomer next week to see what else can be done.
All in all, I am thankful every moment, every second, every day. Life is beautiful despite all.
Shabat shalom to all.
chaya bat sarah baylah
Finally, some solution to the genetic mystery. In the 3major tests given to Jewish Ashkenazi women, I came out clean. As for further testing, which involved a large sum of my own funds, it was decided that since I am less than 5% likely to get ovarian cancer, then my job is to do ovary check ups, called CA 125 tests, twice a year forever and not do the further testing.
Hopefully, this will protect me from not finding out way late in the game re ovarian cancer. At the same time, I am checked periodically by my oncologist and have a mammogram every 6 months for at least this year, and then down to once a year.
I have learned to accept the fatigue and lie down often several times a day. The pain has become part of me, but I will be tested at Tel Hashomer next week to see what else can be done.
All in all, I am thankful every moment, every second, every day. Life is beautiful despite all.
Shabat shalom to all.
chaya bat sarah baylah
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