SHALOM!
I AM UPSET TO SEE HOW I CAN GET SO DEPRESSED WHEN THINGS ARE PROBLEMATIC. THE BIOPSY ON THE OTHER SIDE WAS SO HUMILIATING, AND DEGRADING FOR ME THAT I LEFT IN A TRAUMA. IF IT HAD BEEN EXPLAINED TO ME IN ADVANCE, AND IF THE NURSES, DOCTOR AND TECHNICIANS HAD SPOKEN IN ENGLISH AROUND ME AND NOT IN RUSSIAN, AND IF I WAS NOT SHUFFLED AROUND HALF UNDRESSED TO SIT IN A CORNER WHILE THE MACHINES WERE NOT OPERATING, AND IF THE ACTUAL BIOPSY HAD NOT BEEN SO DIFFICULT FOR ME, AND IT WAS. NOTICE, FOR SOMEONE ELSE, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN EASY. BOTTOM LINE, IT LEFT ME TRAUMATIZED. NO RESULTS YET-ONE MUST BE PATIENT AND WAIT. I WASN'T WORRIED ACTUALLY, AS IT WAS A PREVENTATIVE MEASURE TAKEN, BUT THIS VERY EXPENSIVE EXPERIENCE WAS FAR FROM EASY FOR ME.
ON TOP OF THAT, MY CHRONIC UTICARA, HIVES ALL OVER MY BODY AND SWELLING OF LIPS, EYE, ETC. HAS RETURNED WEEKS AGO. IT SEEMS THAT MY BODY NO LONGER IS KEEPING ME GOING WELL AT THE MOMENT. SO I ALLOWED DEPRESSION TO OVERTAKE ME. MIND YOU, I DO TRY TO FIGHT IT DAILY. THE FATIGUE AS WELL LIMITS MY OUTINGS AND UNDERTAKINGS. BUT I DO WHAT I CAN. PERHAPS ALL OF THIS IS TO REMIND ME TO ALWAYS 'FEEL' FOR THE OTHER PERSON, NOT JUST IN WORDS OF 'I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER' , BUT TO TRULY UNDERSTAND THAT THEY MAY BE TRULY EXPERIENCING JUST DIFFICULT TIMES.
WHAT CAN I WISH ALL OF US IN THIS NEW MONTH OF SHVAT, WHICH INDICATES SPRING ON ITS WAY, THAT WE REGAIN A SPRING IN OUR HEARTS, OUR BODIES, OUR SOULS. I WISH ANY READERS AN UPLIFT OF SPIRIT, AND TO MYSELF AS WELL.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
JAN. 11-2012 LIVING WITH UNKNOWNS
SHALOM!
TIME HAS ITS WAY OF SORTING THINGS OUT. THE 3 GROWTHS AND 3 BIOPSIES PROVED, THANKFULLY, NOT TO BE CANCEROUS. WHAT THEY REALLY ARE I DON'T KNOW, UNTIL I MEET WITH MY DOCTORS AGAIN.
NOW I HAVE TO DO THE 4TH BIOPSY ON THE OTHER SIDE. I HAVE LEARNED TO TAKE IT IN MY STRIDE-IF IT'S THERE, IT'S THERE, AND WORRYING JUST WON'T HELP SOLVE THE MATTER OR CHANGE THINGS. SIMPLE TO SAY, BUT I DO TRY TO PUT WORRYING ASIDE. THE DAY OF I GET ANXIOUS AGAIN, AS I IMAGINE IT WILL ALWAYS BE.
I GUESS LIFE CONTINUES TO GIVE ALL IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER 'CHALLENGES' TO LIVE WITH, OVERCOME, AND STRENGTH TO JUST FORGE ALONG. SO I CONTINUE ALL MY REGULAR ACTIVITIES, TEACHING, EXERCISING, WATCHING MY DIET, AND TRYING TO DEAL WITH MY CONSTANT FATIGUE BY COMING HOME AND SIMPLY COLLAPSING PART OF THE DAY.
I SURE KNOW THAT MY BODY IS NOT THE SAME AS IT ONCE WAS. I FEEL THE PASSAGE OF TIME, AND HOW I MUST LIVE AS BEST I CAN TO ENJOY WHAT I CAN, WITH WHATEVER LIMITED STRENGTH THERE IS. I BLESS ALL THOSE AROUND ME WHO ARE EVER SO NICE AND CARING. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A KIND WORD OR GESTURE DOES FOR THE NESHAMA/SOUL.
I WISH ALL OF US WELL, UNTIL THE NEXT TIME I WRITE.
TIME HAS ITS WAY OF SORTING THINGS OUT. THE 3 GROWTHS AND 3 BIOPSIES PROVED, THANKFULLY, NOT TO BE CANCEROUS. WHAT THEY REALLY ARE I DON'T KNOW, UNTIL I MEET WITH MY DOCTORS AGAIN.
NOW I HAVE TO DO THE 4TH BIOPSY ON THE OTHER SIDE. I HAVE LEARNED TO TAKE IT IN MY STRIDE-IF IT'S THERE, IT'S THERE, AND WORRYING JUST WON'T HELP SOLVE THE MATTER OR CHANGE THINGS. SIMPLE TO SAY, BUT I DO TRY TO PUT WORRYING ASIDE. THE DAY OF I GET ANXIOUS AGAIN, AS I IMAGINE IT WILL ALWAYS BE.
I GUESS LIFE CONTINUES TO GIVE ALL IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER 'CHALLENGES' TO LIVE WITH, OVERCOME, AND STRENGTH TO JUST FORGE ALONG. SO I CONTINUE ALL MY REGULAR ACTIVITIES, TEACHING, EXERCISING, WATCHING MY DIET, AND TRYING TO DEAL WITH MY CONSTANT FATIGUE BY COMING HOME AND SIMPLY COLLAPSING PART OF THE DAY.
I SURE KNOW THAT MY BODY IS NOT THE SAME AS IT ONCE WAS. I FEEL THE PASSAGE OF TIME, AND HOW I MUST LIVE AS BEST I CAN TO ENJOY WHAT I CAN, WITH WHATEVER LIMITED STRENGTH THERE IS. I BLESS ALL THOSE AROUND ME WHO ARE EVER SO NICE AND CARING. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A KIND WORD OR GESTURE DOES FOR THE NESHAMA/SOUL.
I WISH ALL OF US WELL, UNTIL THE NEXT TIME I WRITE.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
JAN. 3, 2012 WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES!
SHALOM!
AS I WROTE LAST TIME, WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES! PERHAPS THAT IS WHY WE CONSTANTLY SAY; 'THANK G." FOR EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.
MY VISIT TO 'HALLA' CENTRE LEFT ME TOTALLY SHELL SHOCKED! THE DR., WHO WAS SIMPLY EXCELLENT AND CARING, FOUND NOT THE ONE 'GUSH' AS WAS FOUND 3 WEEKS AGO, BUT 3 MASSES ON THE SAME SIDE THAT WAS OPERATED ON, AND THUS I FOUND MYSELF HAVING ON THE SPOT, 3 DIFFERENT BIOPSIES. TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO CRY, I JUST HELD ON TO MYSELF, AND WEATHERED IT. I THINK I HAD 3 MAMMOGRAMS AND ULTRA SOUNDS OVER AND OVER, AND NOW I MUST DO A BIOPSY ON THE LEFT SIDE. I TOLD HIM THAT I AM ALMOST READY TO JUST HAVE A MASECTOMY. BUT THAT IS JUST TALK FOR NOW. I MUST AWAIT THE RESULTS-GO ELSEWHERE TO DO THIS 4TH BIOPSY.
SO IF OUT THERE CAN IDENTIFY WITH ME, THE FEAR, THE PANIC, THE FACING OF DEATH ALL SOUND OUT LOUD AND CLEAR. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, ONE KEEPS ON LIVING, DOING, HOPING, AND PUSHING IT ALL ASIDE. SURELY IT WILL ALL BE JUST SOME FIBRE GROWTH AND NOTHING MORE.
AND AM I DOING ANYTHING TO PREPARE FOR THE WORST? SIMPLY NO. I USE ALL MY ENERGY TO CONTINUE TEACHING PART-TIME, EXERCISING, WATCHING MY HEALTHY HABITS, FINDING PLEASURE IN READING, SEEING FRIENDS, EATING OUT, AND GETTING MORE REST, WHICH I TRULY LACK. THAT TAKES ALL MY ENERGY.
AND SO, TODAY, AS ON ALL DAYS, I WISH YOU AND ME, GOOD PROGRESS, GOOD RESULTS, HOPE AND OPTIMISM, THAT WE WILL LIVE AND SURVIVE AND ENDURE AND BE ABLE TO COPE WITH WHAT IS ON OUR LIFE PLAN.
I SEND YOU AND ME WARM HUGS AND WISHES.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.....
AS I WROTE LAST TIME, WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES! PERHAPS THAT IS WHY WE CONSTANTLY SAY; 'THANK G." FOR EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.
MY VISIT TO 'HALLA' CENTRE LEFT ME TOTALLY SHELL SHOCKED! THE DR., WHO WAS SIMPLY EXCELLENT AND CARING, FOUND NOT THE ONE 'GUSH' AS WAS FOUND 3 WEEKS AGO, BUT 3 MASSES ON THE SAME SIDE THAT WAS OPERATED ON, AND THUS I FOUND MYSELF HAVING ON THE SPOT, 3 DIFFERENT BIOPSIES. TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO CRY, I JUST HELD ON TO MYSELF, AND WEATHERED IT. I THINK I HAD 3 MAMMOGRAMS AND ULTRA SOUNDS OVER AND OVER, AND NOW I MUST DO A BIOPSY ON THE LEFT SIDE. I TOLD HIM THAT I AM ALMOST READY TO JUST HAVE A MASECTOMY. BUT THAT IS JUST TALK FOR NOW. I MUST AWAIT THE RESULTS-GO ELSEWHERE TO DO THIS 4TH BIOPSY.
SO IF OUT THERE CAN IDENTIFY WITH ME, THE FEAR, THE PANIC, THE FACING OF DEATH ALL SOUND OUT LOUD AND CLEAR. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, ONE KEEPS ON LIVING, DOING, HOPING, AND PUSHING IT ALL ASIDE. SURELY IT WILL ALL BE JUST SOME FIBRE GROWTH AND NOTHING MORE.
AND AM I DOING ANYTHING TO PREPARE FOR THE WORST? SIMPLY NO. I USE ALL MY ENERGY TO CONTINUE TEACHING PART-TIME, EXERCISING, WATCHING MY HEALTHY HABITS, FINDING PLEASURE IN READING, SEEING FRIENDS, EATING OUT, AND GETTING MORE REST, WHICH I TRULY LACK. THAT TAKES ALL MY ENERGY.
AND SO, TODAY, AS ON ALL DAYS, I WISH YOU AND ME, GOOD PROGRESS, GOOD RESULTS, HOPE AND OPTIMISM, THAT WE WILL LIVE AND SURVIVE AND ENDURE AND BE ABLE TO COPE WITH WHAT IS ON OUR LIFE PLAN.
I SEND YOU AND ME WARM HUGS AND WISHES.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.....
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