Shalom!
It's amazing that now that I have completed my treatments (hopefully forever), I am more and more drawn in to the activities, lectures from cancer groups. Knowing that we are fighting the unknown, I know that cancer could come back at any time, and that for me anyways, I feel the presence of 'the angel of death' beside me, even as I live my life now. It has come too close for comfort; we all face death, but now I feel my mortality constantly, and am therefore so grateful for each and every day. My faith has been very challenged, and I grapple with it within discussions in a cancer group. Whereas usually I am more laid back in revealing my deepest thoughts, in my cancer group, I tend to express myself even more than I would like to do. It is hard to figure this out-am I a cancer patient-yes and no at the moment. Yet, it is nothing I can turn my back on. I see drs. regularly, have my port cleaned and checked monthly, continue my physio therapy bi weekly-it seems that this rotator cuff disease is a direct result of my operation/chem/radiation treatments.
Well, this blog is to let my thoughts hang out -if you are bored, pleased don't read it.
I wish each and every reader/sick person, emotionally challenged person -good health, and the ability to stand more or less independently and continue on.
Until the next time-
thank you.
chaya bat saray bayle and to
kol cholei bnai yisrael
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
DEC. 15-10 THANK YOU UNIVERSE!
SHALOM!
To feel human again, I thought I would never know the feeling. To be able to function without extreme extreme fatigue, without exhaustion is like a miracle. Not that I don't have to rest each day somewhat, but the waves of fatigue are so much less. Now some of it is after 5 months after completion of chemo and radiation, but also we removed a morning pill for blood pressure entirely to see if that will make a difference. We could only do that as thank G. my bl. pressure has been pretty stable lately.
Having cancer has taught me to listen more to my body. If I can't handle a lot of evening activities, so be it. I go to bed earlier than most, as I am up by 3 a.m. latest 4 a.m. for a new day. It does really curtail evening social activities, but I am so content to be home more after all these years of full time working. I am finally taking some courses, from the cancer base involving Torah study and life lessons, some yoga, since my Dr. felt I wasn't doing enough exercise. At the teachers' base, where I teach weekly and simply love it, I am taking a course on the relationship of mind and body. All in all, I love what I am doing. Hopefully, soon, I will start back at one of my volunteering places.
'Going with the flow' is a new concept, which I never could do. But I am doing more and more of it. If I were to get upset over each little thing, my body would be constantly stressed out. So I let it go-let the 'universe' worry about it for me. I do my part and hope for the best.
Anyways, you know that I am writing this blog mostly for me, and if any of this makes sense to you, or helps you to help others, good!
Until the next time we meet,
Shalom
Thank you always for your prayers and thoughts and good health to all those still having a hard time. Believe me, I know how hard this all is.
To feel human again, I thought I would never know the feeling. To be able to function without extreme extreme fatigue, without exhaustion is like a miracle. Not that I don't have to rest each day somewhat, but the waves of fatigue are so much less. Now some of it is after 5 months after completion of chemo and radiation, but also we removed a morning pill for blood pressure entirely to see if that will make a difference. We could only do that as thank G. my bl. pressure has been pretty stable lately.
Having cancer has taught me to listen more to my body. If I can't handle a lot of evening activities, so be it. I go to bed earlier than most, as I am up by 3 a.m. latest 4 a.m. for a new day. It does really curtail evening social activities, but I am so content to be home more after all these years of full time working. I am finally taking some courses, from the cancer base involving Torah study and life lessons, some yoga, since my Dr. felt I wasn't doing enough exercise. At the teachers' base, where I teach weekly and simply love it, I am taking a course on the relationship of mind and body. All in all, I love what I am doing. Hopefully, soon, I will start back at one of my volunteering places.
'Going with the flow' is a new concept, which I never could do. But I am doing more and more of it. If I were to get upset over each little thing, my body would be constantly stressed out. So I let it go-let the 'universe' worry about it for me. I do my part and hope for the best.
Anyways, you know that I am writing this blog mostly for me, and if any of this makes sense to you, or helps you to help others, good!
Until the next time we meet,
Shalom
Thank you always for your prayers and thoughts and good health to all those still having a hard time. Believe me, I know how hard this all is.
Friday, December 3, 2010
DEC. 3-10 PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ALL OF US
Shalom!
My mammogram almost exactly to the year this week showed no cancer evident in the breast area, thank G. It was a real fright to be taken in again to 'the room' after the mammogram for further testing. I immediately asked: 'Again?' You found more?' But after having cancer, it seems you not only get a mammogram, but have an ultra sound as well. Now I will know for the next time.
My shoulder area continues to plague me, but I try to put it in perspective to others suffering more. And now, with my fatigue partner always accompanying me day and night, bingo, I get Vertigo, and am a helpless soul in the middle of the night. Frightening it is, but when I measure my fear and feelings against life and death in the Carmel area, and how people died, I know to put it all in perspective. Thank G. I am still functioning, even with all these set backs. Cancelling another planned Shabat trip to grandchildren in another city was necessary, but not the end of the world (in my new worldly outlook).
And so, I ask any readers, to continue wishing well all those whom you know who are still not well, or who are recovering, each in her own way, and I thank you all for your prayers and love that I feel even from a distance.
Shabat Shalom-Chanukah Sameach, as best we can enjoy/appreciate it and life.
Until next time....
My mammogram almost exactly to the year this week showed no cancer evident in the breast area, thank G. It was a real fright to be taken in again to 'the room' after the mammogram for further testing. I immediately asked: 'Again?' You found more?' But after having cancer, it seems you not only get a mammogram, but have an ultra sound as well. Now I will know for the next time.
My shoulder area continues to plague me, but I try to put it in perspective to others suffering more. And now, with my fatigue partner always accompanying me day and night, bingo, I get Vertigo, and am a helpless soul in the middle of the night. Frightening it is, but when I measure my fear and feelings against life and death in the Carmel area, and how people died, I know to put it all in perspective. Thank G. I am still functioning, even with all these set backs. Cancelling another planned Shabat trip to grandchildren in another city was necessary, but not the end of the world (in my new worldly outlook).
And so, I ask any readers, to continue wishing well all those whom you know who are still not well, or who are recovering, each in her own way, and I thank you all for your prayers and love that I feel even from a distance.
Shabat Shalom-Chanukah Sameach, as best we can enjoy/appreciate it and life.
Until next time....
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