FEB. 12-2012 A RESPITE ALONG THE WAY

SHALOM!

I AM TAKING a course for volunteers for future work in helping those w. cancer. I don't know if I will or can be strong enough to do it, but we are all trying at least to learn techniques (19 of us).
I need to remember the fear, the panic, the stress, the constant uncertainty when all of a sudden new tests and findings show up. There truly is a constant awareness and fear of what if, when, where, am I living properly, am I enjoying at all. These feelings continue on and then, we have a respite of time, hopefully a long time. :I have just finished getting over the panic associated with 3 biopsies on one side, and 1 on the other side. My chronic urticara, alongside, makes me feel that I have no control over my body, except to eat properly and to exercise. My mood tends to be down, and I must constantly strive to look up and be upbeat, not an easy feat. Fatigue continues to be a major 'downer' for me, as I lack energy. I am told that the chemotherapy did quite a number on my immune system, thus I am more prone to infections, fatigue. It's amazing that when your body is fighting against you, via pain, fatigue, infections, you really have to measure out your energy carefully. MY kind of depression at not being able to do more is a constant challenge. We usually support the other person. I need to learn, and perhaps we all do, to support myself and not be so hard on myself.

It is important to remember these feelings so that we can understand and empathize with another going thru' difficult times.

And so, today, during my respite-I soon will need to go thru' the mammogram period again-I am thankful for today, for what I do have. The wisest advice I received from a teacher of mine now is to live and enjoy-to go out, to travel, movies, friends, etc. I have tended to really hibernate due to physical outward manifestations, and depression. So I am trying to push myself out and within the world more.

My best wishes go out to any of you that identify with my words.
Until the next time-may we all feel positive emotionally and physically.