SHALOM!
When my body is fatigued, I tend to be down on myself, on life. I apologize for all of that. I have so much to be thankful for.
-I am getting care
-I am being accompanied by people who care
-I have help in my home
-I have my spot to live for now
-I have my friend, my dog
-I have caring friends and family
-I get out in the beautiful world
-I can e mail, phone, see, hear, walk, talk
-I can think-but I must work on myself to appreciate and not dwell on what is missing
So if you hear me complaining, you can remind me. My 3rd chemo is done, and except for utter fatigue, I feel fine, thank G.
I asked and was given an explanation why this series is so light compared to the prior series. Since I go every week for the whole day, then I can get lighter amounts per time rather than huge amounts every 3 weeks or 2 weeks. So it is easier on my system.
So I close thanking each of my caring individuals from close and from far who are thinking about me, loving and helping, each in their own way.
Thank you!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
APRIL 22-10 THANK G. FOR EACH STEP
HI!
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I CAN TOLERATE THIS SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY (TAXOL) WHEN I SIMPLY COULD NOT MANAGE AT ALL WITH THE FIRST SERIES. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THEY ARE REALLY GIVING ME ENOUGH OF THE CHEMO IN THE INFUSION. NO NAUSEA MEANS I CAN FUNCTION. FATIGUE I KNOW TO SLOW MYSELF DOWN. SOME STOMACH CRAMPS I CAN TAKE, TINGLING AND FUNNY FEELING IN MY TOES I CAN ENDURE. BUT TO FEEL LIKE A HUMAN BEING-I CAN ALMOST FORGET THAT I HAVE CANCER-EXCEPT THAT THEY NOW SAY THAT THE CHEMO HAS MADE ME SOMEWHAT ANEMIC, AND THEY NEED TO MONITOR THAT.
SO ALL IN ALL, I FEEL VERY LUCKY. MY BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW IS IN THE REALIZATION THAT I WON'T GET TO TORONTO THIS SUMMER, WHERE I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS NON-STOP, AND OFTEN TWICE A YEAR. THAT'S WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE. HERE I HAVE A BARE MINIMUM OF FRIENDS TO VISIT WITH, MEET ETC. HOWEVER, TO GET OVER THIS IS MY AIM, AND I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT.
AS I WROTE BEFORE, IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I TRULY AM BEING HELD UP BY PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT I AM ON TRACK AND NOT MORE DESPONDENT.
I WISH EVERYONE GOOD HEALTH-ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN. THAT SEEMS TO BE A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON THAT I AM LEARNING FROM PEOPLE AROUND ME.
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I CAN TOLERATE THIS SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY (TAXOL) WHEN I SIMPLY COULD NOT MANAGE AT ALL WITH THE FIRST SERIES. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THEY ARE REALLY GIVING ME ENOUGH OF THE CHEMO IN THE INFUSION. NO NAUSEA MEANS I CAN FUNCTION. FATIGUE I KNOW TO SLOW MYSELF DOWN. SOME STOMACH CRAMPS I CAN TAKE, TINGLING AND FUNNY FEELING IN MY TOES I CAN ENDURE. BUT TO FEEL LIKE A HUMAN BEING-I CAN ALMOST FORGET THAT I HAVE CANCER-EXCEPT THAT THEY NOW SAY THAT THE CHEMO HAS MADE ME SOMEWHAT ANEMIC, AND THEY NEED TO MONITOR THAT.
SO ALL IN ALL, I FEEL VERY LUCKY. MY BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW IS IN THE REALIZATION THAT I WON'T GET TO TORONTO THIS SUMMER, WHERE I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS NON-STOP, AND OFTEN TWICE A YEAR. THAT'S WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE. HERE I HAVE A BARE MINIMUM OF FRIENDS TO VISIT WITH, MEET ETC. HOWEVER, TO GET OVER THIS IS MY AIM, AND I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT.
AS I WROTE BEFORE, IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I TRULY AM BEING HELD UP BY PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT I AM ON TRACK AND NOT MORE DESPONDENT.
I WISH EVERYONE GOOD HEALTH-ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN. THAT SEEMS TO BE A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON THAT I AM LEARNING FROM PEOPLE AROUND ME.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
APRIL 19-10 ONWARD ON MY JOURNEY
SHALOM!
WELL, I am into my second series of chemo. So far, thank G. so good. Fatigue I can live with, as long as I am not totally nauseous. The first week went by almost normally. Now I'm on my way for the 2nd chemo. Once a week, every week for 12 weeks-3 months. It's only because some family member or friend is by my bedside that I get thru' it without total depression. I remind myself to be thankful-I see and know how much worse off others are.
But this is my struggle now. to stay on top, even tho' it's not easy. I thank each and everyone who has offered prayers, calls, e mails, thoughts towards me. I wish everyone well.
WELL, I am into my second series of chemo. So far, thank G. so good. Fatigue I can live with, as long as I am not totally nauseous. The first week went by almost normally. Now I'm on my way for the 2nd chemo. Once a week, every week for 12 weeks-3 months. It's only because some family member or friend is by my bedside that I get thru' it without total depression. I remind myself to be thankful-I see and know how much worse off others are.
But this is my struggle now. to stay on top, even tho' it's not easy. I thank each and everyone who has offered prayers, calls, e mails, thoughts towards me. I wish everyone well.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
APRIL 11-GETTING READY FOR NEW ONSLOUGHT
SHALOM!
I finally had the 'port' put in my chest, a more permanent hole so that I do not have to be pricked over and over again in my arm to find a good vein. Every treatment is a 'big' ordeal for me. I do worry and fret, but somehow get through it and its aftermath pain. But now it is a part of me, as was my operation, as was my blood clots. Everything in life comes and passes. My break of feeling 'normal' for Pesach was quite nice-but in the back of my mind is the worry-'what if the cancer is growing or attaching on to another molecule?' So that I just want to get onto the treatment and get it over with, although it is a long haul. 8-12 weeks, once a week of Taxol chemotherapy, where you are drugged and sleep or are half out of it, and lie there. Once I understand it all, I will express myself better. For now, I eat as I know it is difficult to do so once chemo sets in. Thank G. for my family who supported me for the insert of the port, for my family to sit by my side while under the Taxol drugs. Life is for now, every day, every minute. No one knows the future-even the healthy population.
So be well, enjoy today! Will write again at some point.
I finally had the 'port' put in my chest, a more permanent hole so that I do not have to be pricked over and over again in my arm to find a good vein. Every treatment is a 'big' ordeal for me. I do worry and fret, but somehow get through it and its aftermath pain. But now it is a part of me, as was my operation, as was my blood clots. Everything in life comes and passes. My break of feeling 'normal' for Pesach was quite nice-but in the back of my mind is the worry-'what if the cancer is growing or attaching on to another molecule?' So that I just want to get onto the treatment and get it over with, although it is a long haul. 8-12 weeks, once a week of Taxol chemotherapy, where you are drugged and sleep or are half out of it, and lie there. Once I understand it all, I will express myself better. For now, I eat as I know it is difficult to do so once chemo sets in. Thank G. for my family who supported me for the insert of the port, for my family to sit by my side while under the Taxol drugs. Life is for now, every day, every minute. No one knows the future-even the healthy population.
So be well, enjoy today! Will write again at some point.
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