SHALOM!
As I wrote in my previous blog, a month and a half ago, I finally, after 2 years ,travelled abroad to my home basis of old, where my friends are, where I drive, where I know where to shop, to enjoy, and visit libraries daily and read, and read, and read.
Thank G. I had a wonderful new reality for this period, although inside I knew what possibilities lie within me to have new worries again. But I pushed it away, and just enjoyed the friendships, the love, that I received. Fatigue was my constant companion, partly due to jet lag, and perhaps fatigue is simply part of me now, as it has never left my side.
I have no regrets about the trip-I would do it all over again next year, if life allows me to.
I wish on any readers of this blog to find acceptance, love, friendship around you, as this is what sustains me. There are such good people, carrying and exhibiting godliness all around. I am so thankful for all of you who do reach out to others along your path.
That's it for a starter. I came back and attended a learning day at my cancer society-very meaningful-meditation, followed by a study in the Talmud of what Bikur Cholim means and how to use it in our lives, plus a talk by the head of the center re life/death issues. I am so glad that I went, despite the fact that I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PART OF ANY CANCER GROUP.
Never say never!
Refuah Shlaimah to all of us.
Until next time.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
JULY 1, 2011 TRACKING MY FEELINGS ALONG LIFE'S PATH
SHALOM!
Well, thank G. there is no tumor of the jaw. But the pain is real, although it is a bit less. It is amazing that you can get used to living with pain, and accepting it as almost normal. But I am very thankful that it is not worse or excruciating at this point. I am trying to some jaw execises as well as for the shoulder, all on the right side.
As I prepare to leave for a month's break after 2 years of not travelling, I am constantly aware to be so thankful for every kind person and action, and aware of how many wonderful people there are. This helps me not focus on the negative ones that are also around.
I am lucky to have found outlets where I am accepted and liked as I am, and where I feel comfortable. I am learning and observing which situations are not good for me and to stop going there.
So I may not write until I am back at my own desk again. I wish each and every one of us good health and courage to cope with what life hands us.
Until the next time,
Shalom.
chaya bat sara bayla and a speedy recovery to those who need it.
Well, thank G. there is no tumor of the jaw. But the pain is real, although it is a bit less. It is amazing that you can get used to living with pain, and accepting it as almost normal. But I am very thankful that it is not worse or excruciating at this point. I am trying to some jaw execises as well as for the shoulder, all on the right side.
As I prepare to leave for a month's break after 2 years of not travelling, I am constantly aware to be so thankful for every kind person and action, and aware of how many wonderful people there are. This helps me not focus on the negative ones that are also around.
I am lucky to have found outlets where I am accepted and liked as I am, and where I feel comfortable. I am learning and observing which situations are not good for me and to stop going there.
So I may not write until I am back at my own desk again. I wish each and every one of us good health and courage to cope with what life hands us.
Until the next time,
Shalom.
chaya bat sara bayla and a speedy recovery to those who need it.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
JUNE 20-2011 AN UPDATE FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK
HI!
WELL, one month later, and am finally going to have a CT scan of my jaw. I have to be most careful of what I bite into-no carrot, cucumber, crust of bread, etc. Even when I eat softer food, I have to be careful. The pain is certainly much less critical than originally, but my oncologist wants to rule out a tumor and then send me to a jaw specialist. I am trying to think that I really just dislocated my jaw, rather than anything more serious, but the fact of both right shoulder and right jaw seems rather weird to me, on same side as operation and radiation and cutting into a lymph node. But soon enough, I hope to know.
In the meantime, so far, so good. Breast seems clear right now. I am anticipating a trip which I have not taken in 2 years and am excited yet quite uptight about moving away from my spot of hibernation, my home, my somewhat haven.
The cancer group I seem to have really bonded with continues to give marvellous support. I encourage anyone who needs or wants to associate with a group that truly understands, to try one or more places out. The first group I attended was not of my liking at all, and I finally quit. But I tried this new place and get good moral support and even fun activities that they offer.
In the meantime, here's hoping for all of us that we read and share good news about others in the same boat.
All the best until next time.
WELL, one month later, and am finally going to have a CT scan of my jaw. I have to be most careful of what I bite into-no carrot, cucumber, crust of bread, etc. Even when I eat softer food, I have to be careful. The pain is certainly much less critical than originally, but my oncologist wants to rule out a tumor and then send me to a jaw specialist. I am trying to think that I really just dislocated my jaw, rather than anything more serious, but the fact of both right shoulder and right jaw seems rather weird to me, on same side as operation and radiation and cutting into a lymph node. But soon enough, I hope to know.
In the meantime, so far, so good. Breast seems clear right now. I am anticipating a trip which I have not taken in 2 years and am excited yet quite uptight about moving away from my spot of hibernation, my home, my somewhat haven.
The cancer group I seem to have really bonded with continues to give marvellous support. I encourage anyone who needs or wants to associate with a group that truly understands, to try one or more places out. The first group I attended was not of my liking at all, and I finally quit. But I tried this new place and get good moral support and even fun activities that they offer.
In the meantime, here's hoping for all of us that we read and share good news about others in the same boat.
All the best until next time.
Friday, May 27, 2011
MAY 27-11 ALONG MY CANCER JOURNEY
HELLO:
Wow, it has been quite a while since I last wrote a month ago. I do write in another section of my Gratitude Journal, and in my Thought section.
To catch myself up on my journey. I am thank G. doing o'kay so far. I had quite a fright with severe pain in my right jaw. My immediate real panic was that I have jaw cancer. The info on the internet truly scared me. A dentist ruled out a tooth problem. But slowly, slowly, the pain has diminished. I have to me somewhat careful what I bite on of hard substenance. Hopefully, another crisis over with.
I continue to go in regularly, every 2 months to have my 'port' cleaned. They will not remove it for at least 2 years. Now, in June, I have 2 appts. to check with both oncologist and my surgeon.
In my cancer group of study, it seems that I often mention how fatigued I am. Which I truly am, not at all like during the whole period post operation, mid chemo and radiation period. But never the less, I am always tired, always, always. My group leader tried psycho-drama on me. Now I am trying to use my thoughts to visualize-LET IT GO, LET IT GO~. Not to dwell on worries, possibilities, should haves, etc. I have for a long time, eliminated the should have, would have, could haves' in my thinking. But now I am adding on : LET IT GO, LET IT GO. Not to think and think, but to GO WITH THE FLOW. Perhaps my worrisome habit is helping to keep me tired so much. I am doing it, but still feel the tiredness. But it is a good road to stay on, non the less.
I had a birthday this week. Last year on my birthday, I was lying in Sharei Tzedek getting chemo. Now, I bless and continue to thank G. each minute that I am not there going thru' it at the moment. I feel so lucky. I hope that this positive period shall continue.
G. willing, if I get a clear o'kay from my 2 upcoming tests, I hope to travel (first in 2 years) to my place of birth to visit. It has been a long wait.
In the meantime, I wish any readers good health and good in your lives.
I pray daily for all who are unwell for a recovery, and for the strength to cope.
Wow, it has been quite a while since I last wrote a month ago. I do write in another section of my Gratitude Journal, and in my Thought section.
To catch myself up on my journey. I am thank G. doing o'kay so far. I had quite a fright with severe pain in my right jaw. My immediate real panic was that I have jaw cancer. The info on the internet truly scared me. A dentist ruled out a tooth problem. But slowly, slowly, the pain has diminished. I have to me somewhat careful what I bite on of hard substenance. Hopefully, another crisis over with.
I continue to go in regularly, every 2 months to have my 'port' cleaned. They will not remove it for at least 2 years. Now, in June, I have 2 appts. to check with both oncologist and my surgeon.
In my cancer group of study, it seems that I often mention how fatigued I am. Which I truly am, not at all like during the whole period post operation, mid chemo and radiation period. But never the less, I am always tired, always, always. My group leader tried psycho-drama on me. Now I am trying to use my thoughts to visualize-LET IT GO, LET IT GO~. Not to dwell on worries, possibilities, should haves, etc. I have for a long time, eliminated the should have, would have, could haves' in my thinking. But now I am adding on : LET IT GO, LET IT GO. Not to think and think, but to GO WITH THE FLOW. Perhaps my worrisome habit is helping to keep me tired so much. I am doing it, but still feel the tiredness. But it is a good road to stay on, non the less.
I had a birthday this week. Last year on my birthday, I was lying in Sharei Tzedek getting chemo. Now, I bless and continue to thank G. each minute that I am not there going thru' it at the moment. I feel so lucky. I hope that this positive period shall continue.
G. willing, if I get a clear o'kay from my 2 upcoming tests, I hope to travel (first in 2 years) to my place of birth to visit. It has been a long wait.
In the meantime, I wish any readers good health and good in your lives.
I pray daily for all who are unwell for a recovery, and for the strength to cope.
Friday, April 22, 2011
APRIL 22-2011 THOUGHTS
SHALOM!
As we celebrate our spring festival, some thoughts for me to ponder and to remember. Wonderful to be part of a family, and to visit, but always so happy to return to my space, where I find that I need to rest, to read, to be quiet, to reflect, to eat, and to be thankful every second for feeling o'kay, despite the fatigue. I am dealing w. it, but going to bed as early as children do, and accepting that this is what I need to do. I am finding peace within myself, and know to throw aside any negative actions of others or rebuffs. I thrill at the sound of loving, caring people, who show me their godliness. Nature catches my eye constantly, and the miracle of its changes and blossoming.
I constantly am aware of the possible 'downs' that can and will appear at any time. I see others struggling w. impossible life situations, both physical and emotional and very very stressful, and with waning hope. I cry for each one, but am realizing that life is a constant up and down curve, and none of us, even the 'healthy' ones don't know when the hit will come their way. so in the meantime, I for one, enjoy the good part as long as I can. It takes effort, but worrying and stewing will not evade or avoid the inevitability of constant changes, both for good and for worse.
I pray for all of us in this spring season new beginnings, that we learn to love each and every moment that we are still functioning as best we can, and to put aside into 'G.d's hands' our worries.
My best wishes to all of us for recovery, peace of mind, and acceptance of what we must.
Until the next time..
As we celebrate our spring festival, some thoughts for me to ponder and to remember. Wonderful to be part of a family, and to visit, but always so happy to return to my space, where I find that I need to rest, to read, to be quiet, to reflect, to eat, and to be thankful every second for feeling o'kay, despite the fatigue. I am dealing w. it, but going to bed as early as children do, and accepting that this is what I need to do. I am finding peace within myself, and know to throw aside any negative actions of others or rebuffs. I thrill at the sound of loving, caring people, who show me their godliness. Nature catches my eye constantly, and the miracle of its changes and blossoming.
I constantly am aware of the possible 'downs' that can and will appear at any time. I see others struggling w. impossible life situations, both physical and emotional and very very stressful, and with waning hope. I cry for each one, but am realizing that life is a constant up and down curve, and none of us, even the 'healthy' ones don't know when the hit will come their way. so in the meantime, I for one, enjoy the good part as long as I can. It takes effort, but worrying and stewing will not evade or avoid the inevitability of constant changes, both for good and for worse.
I pray for all of us in this spring season new beginnings, that we learn to love each and every moment that we are still functioning as best we can, and to put aside into 'G.d's hands' our worries.
My best wishes to all of us for recovery, peace of mind, and acceptance of what we must.
Until the next time..
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
APRIL 5-2011 CONTINUING TO HOPE
Shalom! With spring almost here, and the passage of time giving me hope to keep going, I am managing better and always hoping for the best as I keep my appointment check-ups along the way. I am finally more of a human being, albeit the fatigue which accompanies me, although to a lesser extent, and the foot tingling, which seems to continue for years possibly. With all of that, I can manage. I even have more optimism-the weather, the nice people I choose to be with and associate with, the angels who have been sent to be there for me, the courses I have opted to take and teach, it all adds up to a type of retirement /active life of sorts. I have taken lately to write in my blog and abundance journal more of my feelings and even some prayers of my own. I hope that any reader is coping as best she can with her challenges. I enclose now my latest prayer that I wrote for my cancer group of study.
A PRAYER FOR TODAY
I am bewitched and bewildered As I ponder my life.
I feel life's beauty and love Amidst the 'tohoo vevohoo' all over the lands.
My spirit and soul within me kvell
While my body's beating has knocked me thru' hell.
I want to live with simcha, regua, tikva and purity-
Yet my body made of dust has responded to my teumah
- Having gone thru' fire, death of a sort, despondence, depression- You name it.
I am struggling in the depths of water to stay afloat.,
to breathe in the good, to
o breathe in the love that somehow is there within all this up and down life.
DEAR UNIVERSE-
Grant me the courage to accept what I must- To ride the waves-
And the wisdom to follow my heart's will -
To live and to shine and to give and be still.
I rejoice to be born anew today and to be part of this world.
Bless all to find peace of mind, peace in body,
The ability to accept others and me 'as we are',
Each with our similarities and especially with our differences.
Good morning, world! Here I am!
Until the next time that we meet on this blog, Refuah Shlaimah to each of us!
A PRAYER FOR TODAY
I am bewitched and bewildered As I ponder my life.
I feel life's beauty and love Amidst the 'tohoo vevohoo' all over the lands.
My spirit and soul within me kvell
While my body's beating has knocked me thru' hell.
I want to live with simcha, regua, tikva and purity-
Yet my body made of dust has responded to my teumah
- Having gone thru' fire, death of a sort, despondence, depression- You name it.
I am struggling in the depths of water to stay afloat.,
to breathe in the good, to
o breathe in the love that somehow is there within all this up and down life.
DEAR UNIVERSE-
Grant me the courage to accept what I must- To ride the waves-
And the wisdom to follow my heart's will -
To live and to shine and to give and be still.
I rejoice to be born anew today and to be part of this world.
Bless all to find peace of mind, peace in body,
The ability to accept others and me 'as we are',
Each with our similarities and especially with our differences.
Good morning, world! Here I am!
Until the next time that we meet on this blog, Refuah Shlaimah to each of us!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
MARCH 20-2011 ALONG LIFE'S PATH
Shalom!
After a 3rd injection into my shoulder, I finally am beginning to feel like a normal human being. Living w. pain is no picnic, and I am once again ever so thankful for improvement.
At times now, I am having an almost normal day without the extreme fatigue. But I am learning more and more to pace myself, and not to overdo it. Since I get up so very early automatically, I have learned to go to bed much much earlier, almost like a child does.
As life comes each day, how thankful I am to face another day and aim to speak to and surround myself with positive people, positive thoughts and keep my space far away from the negative ones in my life.
I wish every reader good vibes and feelings and the ability to cope w. what one must. I have adopted after much good readings and talks the following key words for me:
HOPE DIGNITY ACCEPTANCE REFUAH (HEALTHY RECOVERING) NATURE
At this point, I am adding on a prayer that I wrote for our cancer group as a personal prayer, other than that in our daily prayer books.
RIBBONO SHEL OLAM
Whatever/wherever You are
I thank You this moment
For this new day in which You star.
Nature-its beauty, its peace
I wonder in delight at the hope that it feeds.
My hopes start anew for a day filled with strength
To do good for us humans that You
Wondrously created throughout this whole long length.
Do help me to know how to use the skills that I have
And let me 'IN YOUR IMAGE' be a helping hand.
My challenges continue to be many
And I continue to turn to You anyway.
Bless us who are ill in spirit and body
And make our paths as light as You possibly can.
May your Refuah give us dignity and grace
As our unique journeys continue their pace.
I thank You again for this moment of renewal
May Your grace shine on all of Klal Yisrael.
'MIKOL HALAIV' I will try to be 'there'
Wherever and whenever to whomever I can.
We are made in Your 'image'
Help us to shine and not to do damage
To your beautiful world
Where mankind and creatures alike
Sing your praises both morning and night.
Good morning Hashem! Hallelujah!
As You shine Your peaceful presence
Help us to find some peace for our aching
Souls and frames
So that we too can lend a helping hand.
BOKER TOV WORLD-HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE YOU AGAIN THIS DAY!
chaya bat Sara Bayla
After a 3rd injection into my shoulder, I finally am beginning to feel like a normal human being. Living w. pain is no picnic, and I am once again ever so thankful for improvement.
At times now, I am having an almost normal day without the extreme fatigue. But I am learning more and more to pace myself, and not to overdo it. Since I get up so very early automatically, I have learned to go to bed much much earlier, almost like a child does.
As life comes each day, how thankful I am to face another day and aim to speak to and surround myself with positive people, positive thoughts and keep my space far away from the negative ones in my life.
I wish every reader good vibes and feelings and the ability to cope w. what one must. I have adopted after much good readings and talks the following key words for me:
HOPE DIGNITY ACCEPTANCE REFUAH (HEALTHY RECOVERING) NATURE
At this point, I am adding on a prayer that I wrote for our cancer group as a personal prayer, other than that in our daily prayer books.
RIBBONO SHEL OLAM
Whatever/wherever You are
I thank You this moment
For this new day in which You star.
Nature-its beauty, its peace
I wonder in delight at the hope that it feeds.
My hopes start anew for a day filled with strength
To do good for us humans that You
Wondrously created throughout this whole long length.
Do help me to know how to use the skills that I have
And let me 'IN YOUR IMAGE' be a helping hand.
My challenges continue to be many
And I continue to turn to You anyway.
Bless us who are ill in spirit and body
And make our paths as light as You possibly can.
May your Refuah give us dignity and grace
As our unique journeys continue their pace.
I thank You again for this moment of renewal
May Your grace shine on all of Klal Yisrael.
'MIKOL HALAIV' I will try to be 'there'
Wherever and whenever to whomever I can.
We are made in Your 'image'
Help us to shine and not to do damage
To your beautiful world
Where mankind and creatures alike
Sing your praises both morning and night.
Good morning Hashem! Hallelujah!
As You shine Your peaceful presence
Help us to find some peace for our aching
Souls and frames
So that we too can lend a helping hand.
BOKER TOV WORLD-HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE YOU AGAIN THIS DAY!
chaya bat Sara Bayla
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