HELLO TO MY BLOG :
AS time goes on, new challenges, and each one, however painful, bothersome, worrisome for the time, I keep reminding myself that this is not cancer, this is not cancer. Often it takes me time to have another test to reassure myself that this is indeed not a symptom of cancer in my body.
so hives, bladder infection, jaw pain, fatigue all continue to come and go, and I try to breeze thru' each new challenge. The regular breast examinations, pelvic and abdominal tests, keep me I hope under good observation.
My mind still grapples with faith-are we just mere human beings like the animals, the ants, the flowers, who have a certain amount of time on earth, partly in good health, partly suffering until the ultimate death which comes to all. Is there really an upper one G. who is setting out our individual trials and ultimate time of death? What/whom is G.? And so I read and read and observe people, nature, our faith and ponder constantly. Perhaps I will never have a definite answer-I know that I belong to our people, to our faith and tradition, and welcome that with open arms.
I will never take life for granted-each day, each hour is so very precious-to live and enjoy as best we can-to do some good while we can physically and mentally.
I pray for all those who are suffering for a recovery as best can be and for the strength to deal with what we must do.
Until the next time,
'bye for now
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
SEPT. 11, 2011 BEFORE I FORGET THINGS.....
SHALOM!
I SEE THAT WITH AGE AND WITH THINGS OF THE PAST, I FORGET AND I NEED /WANT TO REMEMBER THE SEQUENCE OF MY CANCER FOR MY OWN REASONS.
SO I HAVE GONE BACK AND I ENCLOSE A SEQUENCE OF IMPORTANT DATES (AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE TO ACCURATE) UP TO DATE.
OCT. 21-09 REGULAR YEARLY MAMMOGRAM -TURIM
IMMEDIATE ULTRA SOUND -ALL AT TURIM
IMMEDIATE BIOPSY AT MISGAV LEDACH
NOV. 30-09 -RIGHT BREAST OPERATION-SHAREI TZEDEK-DR. ULSHA- SURGEON
JAN. 10, 2010-BEGIN CHEMOTHERAPY-ONCOLOGIST DR. CHERNY-SHAREI TZEDEK
DOUBLE WHAMMY-EVERY 17 DAYS
JAN. 24-2010-GENETIC TESTING-SHAREI TZEDEK
MARCH 2011-I INSISTED ON PUTTING A PORT IN, AS I HAD A PROBLEM WITH MY VEINS, AND HAD SWOLLEN ARM ETC.
JUNE 14-2010-BEGAN RADIATION AT HADASSAH EIN KAREM FOR 3 WEEKS-5 DAYS/WEEK
SIDE EFFECTS ALONG THE PROCESS
-SWOLLEN ARM WHERE BLOOD IS TAKEN AND NEEDLES PUT IN
-BAD BREATH
-NAUSEA NON-STOP
-TINGLING OF TOES UNTIL NOW
-EXTREME FATIGUE UNTIL NOW
-RIGHT ARM AND SHOULDER VERY PAINFUL AND IMPOSSIBLE TO DRESS ETC.
FINALLY WENT TO TEL HASHOMER TO DR. MOSHE CHAIM DAHAN FOR 3 SUCCESSIVE
SHOTS IN SHOULDER OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, FOLLOWED BY PHYSIO THERAPY UNTIL SEPT. 2011 WITH YOSEF AT MEUCHEDET-
NOW IN SEPT. 2011-FINALLY ALMOST NORMAL
-JAW FROZEN AND VERY PAINFUL-NO CURE EXCEPT MONTHS OF TIME-AND NOW
SEPT. 2011-NOT QUITE BACK TO NORMAL YET
-MENTAL FEAR OF DEATH/FEEL THE ANGEL OF DEATH ON ONE SIDE OF ME-FAITH QUESTIONED CONSTANTLY
-2 YEARS AFTER ALL OF THIS, FINALLY TOOK A TRIP TO MY ORIGINAL HOME BASE FAR AWAY
-NOW SEPT. 2011 STILL BEING CHECKED EVERY 3-4 MONTHS
-STILL JAW SOMEWHAT PROBLEMATIC
-FATIGUE STILL A KEY FIGURE
-TRYING TO BE OPTIMISTIC AND TO ENJOY LIFE
2009-2010-2011
IF THIS BLOG HELPS ANYONE OUT THERE. I AM PLEASED. IT IS MAINLY FOR MY RECALL, WHEN AND IF NEEDED IN THE FUTURE.
REFUAH SHLAIMAH /GOOD HEALTH FOR ALL READERS!
I SEE THAT WITH AGE AND WITH THINGS OF THE PAST, I FORGET AND I NEED /WANT TO REMEMBER THE SEQUENCE OF MY CANCER FOR MY OWN REASONS.
SO I HAVE GONE BACK AND I ENCLOSE A SEQUENCE OF IMPORTANT DATES (AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE TO ACCURATE) UP TO DATE.
OCT. 21-09 REGULAR YEARLY MAMMOGRAM -TURIM
IMMEDIATE ULTRA SOUND -ALL AT TURIM
IMMEDIATE BIOPSY AT MISGAV LEDACH
NOV. 30-09 -RIGHT BREAST OPERATION-SHAREI TZEDEK-DR. ULSHA- SURGEON
JAN. 10, 2010-BEGIN CHEMOTHERAPY-ONCOLOGIST DR. CHERNY-SHAREI TZEDEK
DOUBLE WHAMMY-EVERY 17 DAYS
JAN. 24-2010-GENETIC TESTING-SHAREI TZEDEK
MARCH 2011-I INSISTED ON PUTTING A PORT IN, AS I HAD A PROBLEM WITH MY VEINS, AND HAD SWOLLEN ARM ETC.
JUNE 14-2010-BEGAN RADIATION AT HADASSAH EIN KAREM FOR 3 WEEKS-5 DAYS/WEEK
SIDE EFFECTS ALONG THE PROCESS
-SWOLLEN ARM WHERE BLOOD IS TAKEN AND NEEDLES PUT IN
-BAD BREATH
-NAUSEA NON-STOP
-TINGLING OF TOES UNTIL NOW
-EXTREME FATIGUE UNTIL NOW
-RIGHT ARM AND SHOULDER VERY PAINFUL AND IMPOSSIBLE TO DRESS ETC.
FINALLY WENT TO TEL HASHOMER TO DR. MOSHE CHAIM DAHAN FOR 3 SUCCESSIVE
SHOTS IN SHOULDER OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, FOLLOWED BY PHYSIO THERAPY UNTIL SEPT. 2011 WITH YOSEF AT MEUCHEDET-
NOW IN SEPT. 2011-FINALLY ALMOST NORMAL
-JAW FROZEN AND VERY PAINFUL-NO CURE EXCEPT MONTHS OF TIME-AND NOW
SEPT. 2011-NOT QUITE BACK TO NORMAL YET
-MENTAL FEAR OF DEATH/FEEL THE ANGEL OF DEATH ON ONE SIDE OF ME-FAITH QUESTIONED CONSTANTLY
-2 YEARS AFTER ALL OF THIS, FINALLY TOOK A TRIP TO MY ORIGINAL HOME BASE FAR AWAY
-NOW SEPT. 2011 STILL BEING CHECKED EVERY 3-4 MONTHS
-STILL JAW SOMEWHAT PROBLEMATIC
-FATIGUE STILL A KEY FIGURE
-TRYING TO BE OPTIMISTIC AND TO ENJOY LIFE
2009-2010-2011
IF THIS BLOG HELPS ANYONE OUT THERE. I AM PLEASED. IT IS MAINLY FOR MY RECALL, WHEN AND IF NEEDED IN THE FUTURE.
REFUAH SHLAIMAH /GOOD HEALTH FOR ALL READERS!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
AUG. 24-2011 MY JOURNEY
HELLO:
I HAD A CHECK-UP W. MY SURGEON MANUALLY, AND THANK G. O'KAY. NOW TO FOLLOW UP W. A MAMMOGRAM AND ULTRA SOUND, WHICH IS WHAT FOUND IT ORIGINALLY.
I CONTINUE MY FATIGUE TO THE EXTREME, AND WILL REQUEST FULL BLOOD TESTS TO SEE WHAT COULD BE CAUSING ALL OF THIS. I AM RELYING NOW ON SLEEPING PILLS UNFORTUNATELY, BUT OTHERWISE I SIMPLY DON'T SLEEP. HOPEFULLY, MY BODY WILL READJUST.
SO I AM HANGING IN THERE. TRYING TO ENJOY WHAT I CAN EACH DAY BEFORE I SIMPLY 'PETER' OUT AND STOP 'DOING'. HOPE THAT ANY READER HERE IS FEELING BETTER AND COPING AND ENJOYING WHAT SHE/HE CAN.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.
ALL THE BEST TO ALL OF US!
I HAD A CHECK-UP W. MY SURGEON MANUALLY, AND THANK G. O'KAY. NOW TO FOLLOW UP W. A MAMMOGRAM AND ULTRA SOUND, WHICH IS WHAT FOUND IT ORIGINALLY.
I CONTINUE MY FATIGUE TO THE EXTREME, AND WILL REQUEST FULL BLOOD TESTS TO SEE WHAT COULD BE CAUSING ALL OF THIS. I AM RELYING NOW ON SLEEPING PILLS UNFORTUNATELY, BUT OTHERWISE I SIMPLY DON'T SLEEP. HOPEFULLY, MY BODY WILL READJUST.
SO I AM HANGING IN THERE. TRYING TO ENJOY WHAT I CAN EACH DAY BEFORE I SIMPLY 'PETER' OUT AND STOP 'DOING'. HOPE THAT ANY READER HERE IS FEELING BETTER AND COPING AND ENJOYING WHAT SHE/HE CAN.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.
ALL THE BEST TO ALL OF US!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
AUG. 5-2011 ALONG MY CANCER JOURNEY
SHALOM!
As I wrote in my previous blog, a month and a half ago, I finally, after 2 years ,travelled abroad to my home basis of old, where my friends are, where I drive, where I know where to shop, to enjoy, and visit libraries daily and read, and read, and read.
Thank G. I had a wonderful new reality for this period, although inside I knew what possibilities lie within me to have new worries again. But I pushed it away, and just enjoyed the friendships, the love, that I received. Fatigue was my constant companion, partly due to jet lag, and perhaps fatigue is simply part of me now, as it has never left my side.
I have no regrets about the trip-I would do it all over again next year, if life allows me to.
I wish on any readers of this blog to find acceptance, love, friendship around you, as this is what sustains me. There are such good people, carrying and exhibiting godliness all around. I am so thankful for all of you who do reach out to others along your path.
That's it for a starter. I came back and attended a learning day at my cancer society-very meaningful-meditation, followed by a study in the Talmud of what Bikur Cholim means and how to use it in our lives, plus a talk by the head of the center re life/death issues. I am so glad that I went, despite the fact that I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PART OF ANY CANCER GROUP.
Never say never!
Refuah Shlaimah to all of us.
Until next time.
As I wrote in my previous blog, a month and a half ago, I finally, after 2 years ,travelled abroad to my home basis of old, where my friends are, where I drive, where I know where to shop, to enjoy, and visit libraries daily and read, and read, and read.
Thank G. I had a wonderful new reality for this period, although inside I knew what possibilities lie within me to have new worries again. But I pushed it away, and just enjoyed the friendships, the love, that I received. Fatigue was my constant companion, partly due to jet lag, and perhaps fatigue is simply part of me now, as it has never left my side.
I have no regrets about the trip-I would do it all over again next year, if life allows me to.
I wish on any readers of this blog to find acceptance, love, friendship around you, as this is what sustains me. There are such good people, carrying and exhibiting godliness all around. I am so thankful for all of you who do reach out to others along your path.
That's it for a starter. I came back and attended a learning day at my cancer society-very meaningful-meditation, followed by a study in the Talmud of what Bikur Cholim means and how to use it in our lives, plus a talk by the head of the center re life/death issues. I am so glad that I went, despite the fact that I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PART OF ANY CANCER GROUP.
Never say never!
Refuah Shlaimah to all of us.
Until next time.
Friday, July 1, 2011
JULY 1, 2011 TRACKING MY FEELINGS ALONG LIFE'S PATH
SHALOM!
Well, thank G. there is no tumor of the jaw. But the pain is real, although it is a bit less. It is amazing that you can get used to living with pain, and accepting it as almost normal. But I am very thankful that it is not worse or excruciating at this point. I am trying to some jaw execises as well as for the shoulder, all on the right side.
As I prepare to leave for a month's break after 2 years of not travelling, I am constantly aware to be so thankful for every kind person and action, and aware of how many wonderful people there are. This helps me not focus on the negative ones that are also around.
I am lucky to have found outlets where I am accepted and liked as I am, and where I feel comfortable. I am learning and observing which situations are not good for me and to stop going there.
So I may not write until I am back at my own desk again. I wish each and every one of us good health and courage to cope with what life hands us.
Until the next time,
Shalom.
chaya bat sara bayla and a speedy recovery to those who need it.
Well, thank G. there is no tumor of the jaw. But the pain is real, although it is a bit less. It is amazing that you can get used to living with pain, and accepting it as almost normal. But I am very thankful that it is not worse or excruciating at this point. I am trying to some jaw execises as well as for the shoulder, all on the right side.
As I prepare to leave for a month's break after 2 years of not travelling, I am constantly aware to be so thankful for every kind person and action, and aware of how many wonderful people there are. This helps me not focus on the negative ones that are also around.
I am lucky to have found outlets where I am accepted and liked as I am, and where I feel comfortable. I am learning and observing which situations are not good for me and to stop going there.
So I may not write until I am back at my own desk again. I wish each and every one of us good health and courage to cope with what life hands us.
Until the next time,
Shalom.
chaya bat sara bayla and a speedy recovery to those who need it.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
JUNE 20-2011 AN UPDATE FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK
HI!
WELL, one month later, and am finally going to have a CT scan of my jaw. I have to be most careful of what I bite into-no carrot, cucumber, crust of bread, etc. Even when I eat softer food, I have to be careful. The pain is certainly much less critical than originally, but my oncologist wants to rule out a tumor and then send me to a jaw specialist. I am trying to think that I really just dislocated my jaw, rather than anything more serious, but the fact of both right shoulder and right jaw seems rather weird to me, on same side as operation and radiation and cutting into a lymph node. But soon enough, I hope to know.
In the meantime, so far, so good. Breast seems clear right now. I am anticipating a trip which I have not taken in 2 years and am excited yet quite uptight about moving away from my spot of hibernation, my home, my somewhat haven.
The cancer group I seem to have really bonded with continues to give marvellous support. I encourage anyone who needs or wants to associate with a group that truly understands, to try one or more places out. The first group I attended was not of my liking at all, and I finally quit. But I tried this new place and get good moral support and even fun activities that they offer.
In the meantime, here's hoping for all of us that we read and share good news about others in the same boat.
All the best until next time.
WELL, one month later, and am finally going to have a CT scan of my jaw. I have to be most careful of what I bite into-no carrot, cucumber, crust of bread, etc. Even when I eat softer food, I have to be careful. The pain is certainly much less critical than originally, but my oncologist wants to rule out a tumor and then send me to a jaw specialist. I am trying to think that I really just dislocated my jaw, rather than anything more serious, but the fact of both right shoulder and right jaw seems rather weird to me, on same side as operation and radiation and cutting into a lymph node. But soon enough, I hope to know.
In the meantime, so far, so good. Breast seems clear right now. I am anticipating a trip which I have not taken in 2 years and am excited yet quite uptight about moving away from my spot of hibernation, my home, my somewhat haven.
The cancer group I seem to have really bonded with continues to give marvellous support. I encourage anyone who needs or wants to associate with a group that truly understands, to try one or more places out. The first group I attended was not of my liking at all, and I finally quit. But I tried this new place and get good moral support and even fun activities that they offer.
In the meantime, here's hoping for all of us that we read and share good news about others in the same boat.
All the best until next time.
Friday, May 27, 2011
MAY 27-11 ALONG MY CANCER JOURNEY
HELLO:
Wow, it has been quite a while since I last wrote a month ago. I do write in another section of my Gratitude Journal, and in my Thought section.
To catch myself up on my journey. I am thank G. doing o'kay so far. I had quite a fright with severe pain in my right jaw. My immediate real panic was that I have jaw cancer. The info on the internet truly scared me. A dentist ruled out a tooth problem. But slowly, slowly, the pain has diminished. I have to me somewhat careful what I bite on of hard substenance. Hopefully, another crisis over with.
I continue to go in regularly, every 2 months to have my 'port' cleaned. They will not remove it for at least 2 years. Now, in June, I have 2 appts. to check with both oncologist and my surgeon.
In my cancer group of study, it seems that I often mention how fatigued I am. Which I truly am, not at all like during the whole period post operation, mid chemo and radiation period. But never the less, I am always tired, always, always. My group leader tried psycho-drama on me. Now I am trying to use my thoughts to visualize-LET IT GO, LET IT GO~. Not to dwell on worries, possibilities, should haves, etc. I have for a long time, eliminated the should have, would have, could haves' in my thinking. But now I am adding on : LET IT GO, LET IT GO. Not to think and think, but to GO WITH THE FLOW. Perhaps my worrisome habit is helping to keep me tired so much. I am doing it, but still feel the tiredness. But it is a good road to stay on, non the less.
I had a birthday this week. Last year on my birthday, I was lying in Sharei Tzedek getting chemo. Now, I bless and continue to thank G. each minute that I am not there going thru' it at the moment. I feel so lucky. I hope that this positive period shall continue.
G. willing, if I get a clear o'kay from my 2 upcoming tests, I hope to travel (first in 2 years) to my place of birth to visit. It has been a long wait.
In the meantime, I wish any readers good health and good in your lives.
I pray daily for all who are unwell for a recovery, and for the strength to cope.
Wow, it has been quite a while since I last wrote a month ago. I do write in another section of my Gratitude Journal, and in my Thought section.
To catch myself up on my journey. I am thank G. doing o'kay so far. I had quite a fright with severe pain in my right jaw. My immediate real panic was that I have jaw cancer. The info on the internet truly scared me. A dentist ruled out a tooth problem. But slowly, slowly, the pain has diminished. I have to me somewhat careful what I bite on of hard substenance. Hopefully, another crisis over with.
I continue to go in regularly, every 2 months to have my 'port' cleaned. They will not remove it for at least 2 years. Now, in June, I have 2 appts. to check with both oncologist and my surgeon.
In my cancer group of study, it seems that I often mention how fatigued I am. Which I truly am, not at all like during the whole period post operation, mid chemo and radiation period. But never the less, I am always tired, always, always. My group leader tried psycho-drama on me. Now I am trying to use my thoughts to visualize-LET IT GO, LET IT GO~. Not to dwell on worries, possibilities, should haves, etc. I have for a long time, eliminated the should have, would have, could haves' in my thinking. But now I am adding on : LET IT GO, LET IT GO. Not to think and think, but to GO WITH THE FLOW. Perhaps my worrisome habit is helping to keep me tired so much. I am doing it, but still feel the tiredness. But it is a good road to stay on, non the less.
I had a birthday this week. Last year on my birthday, I was lying in Sharei Tzedek getting chemo. Now, I bless and continue to thank G. each minute that I am not there going thru' it at the moment. I feel so lucky. I hope that this positive period shall continue.
G. willing, if I get a clear o'kay from my 2 upcoming tests, I hope to travel (first in 2 years) to my place of birth to visit. It has been a long wait.
In the meantime, I wish any readers good health and good in your lives.
I pray daily for all who are unwell for a recovery, and for the strength to cope.
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