SHALOM!
I can't believe so much time has gone by. I took a vacation for the month of August, to relax, to read, to visit, to just 'be' in my home town. I went loaded with my various medicines, but resisted going for second opinion consultations there. I needed just to be me, and to soak in all the love of friends and family. Thank G. I was relatively fine there. Now I am back with various medical checks to see if the coast is clear. :) :) I am so thankful for each new day, each new moment, and for feeling human again. I know that just as surely as I am doing 'well' now, hard times of one kind or another will come. But for now, for the moment, I have a peaceful mindset. I wish any readers good health-whatever may come, we shall somehow deal with it, but our help in taking care of ourselves by proper eating, resting, relaxing,enjoying will play a big part in our overall state.
I wish us all a healthy good year ahead and will keep my cancer blog open at least once a month.
Until the next time,........my best wishes.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
JULY 11-2012 AND LIFE CONTINUES ON
WELL, TIME MOVES ON-WE ARE ALMOST AT THE 1 MONTH AFTER MY CANCER FRIEND'S DEATH. LIFE MOVES ON. MY OBSERVATIONS SHOW THAT NO MATTER HOW GREAT THE LOSS, HOW UTTERLY SAD WE ARE WHEN A LOVED PERSON DIES, THE OTHERS MUST AND DO LIVE ON. WE SOMEHOW THINK WE ARE INDISPENSABLE. AFTER ALL, THERE IS NO ONE EXACTLY LIKE US-EACH ONE OF US IS UNIQUE! BUT LIFE DICTATES THAT THE WORLD GOES ON-THE SUN SHINES, PEOPLE LAUGH, EAT, CELEBRATE. FOR SOME WHILE, WE REMEMBER WELL, AND THEN WE MOVE ON.
SOME REFLECTIONS OF MINE!
MY WORL RIGHT NOW SEEMS TO BE CANCER FREE, THANK G. BUT NOT PROBLEM FREE. THE CHEMO AND RADIATION HELPED MY IMMUNE SYSTEM TO FUNCTION MORE POORLY, AND SO I HAVE SUFFERED NON-STOP WITH SWELLINGS OF EYES, LIPS, THROAT, HIVES ALL OVER MY BODY, WHICH HAVE BEEN RELENTLESS NOW FOR A FULL YEAR. I FINALLY AGREED TO GO ON A VERY STRONG, DANGEROUS DRUG, JUST SO THAT I COULD FUNCTION BETTER. THE PROBLEM STILL EXISTS BUT LESS FEROCIOUSLY. BUT AS I HAVE MUCH LESS QUALITY OF LIFE RIGHT NOW, I CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF, THAT AS LONG AS I AM CANCER FREE, I WILL LIVE WITH IT.
TO ANY READER STILL SUFFERING, MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU. I CAN TELL YOU THAT READING ABOUT OTHERS' STRENGTHS AND COPING SKILLS, AS WELL AS CONNECTING WITH POSITIVE CARING PEOPLE IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING.
AND SO I SIGN OFF FOR TODAY, WISHING ANY READER AND MYSELF A GOOD DAY, A GOOD MONTH, A GOOD ATTITUDE TO DEAL WITH WHAT WE MUST.
BYE FOR NOW.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
JUNE 13-2012
YELLING, CRYING, SHOUTING, BEGGING!
DO I YELL? WILL IT HELP?
DO I CRY? WILL IT HELP?
DO I SHOUT? WILL IT HELP?
DO I BEG? WILL IT HELP?
DO I SIMPLY ACCEPT? WILL IT HELP?
A DEAR LADY, WHOM I KNOW THRU' SIMILAR ILLNESS, IS NOW LYING IN A COMA. I SO MUCH WANTED TO BE THERE FOR HER, TO HELP HER ALONG THIS TORTUOUS PATH.
BUT HER WISH, AS WELL AS MINE, IS AND WAS TO GO SWIFTLY, IF WE MUST, FROM THIS WORLD WITHOUT ENDLESS SUFFERING AND PAIN AND SIMPLY, TORTURE.
AND NOW, AFTER YES SUFFERING, SHE LIES IN A COMA. MY MIND DOES NOT LET ME SLEEP-BUT SHE IS WITHOUT PAIN, I KEEP TELLING MYSELF. SHE CAN REST NOW- BUT IS SHE THERE? IS SHE REALLY ALIVE STILL? FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT, LIFE CHANGES SO DRASTICALLY. HERE YOU ARE, HERE YOU ARE NOT!
I KNOW THAT IT IS WRITTEN: 'LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST'- A LOVELY THOUGHT, BUT CAUGHT UP IN DAILY LIVING, DO I REMEMBER IT CONSTANTLY? NO, BECAUSE, AS A HUMAN BEING, I STRIVE TO CONTINUE LIVING, TO SEE MY LOVED ONES, TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS GLORIOUS LIFE, DESPIT IT ALL.
AND SO, I WRITE ABOUT MY FRIEND, KNOWING THAT ALL THE CRYING, SHOUTING, BEGGING,YELLING, MAY RELEASE SOME TENSION FROM MY BEING, BUT WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ACCEPTING IS THE ONLY PATH, AND HOW THAT HURTS!
I PRAY FOR MY DEAR NEW FRIEND, OF SUCH A SHORT TIME, TO GO PEACEFULLY, IF SHE MUST, AND TO BE AT REST, REST AND PEACE.
YELLING, CRYING, SHOUTING, BEGGING!
DO I YELL? WILL IT HELP?
DO I CRY? WILL IT HELP?
DO I SHOUT? WILL IT HELP?
DO I BEG? WILL IT HELP?
DO I SIMPLY ACCEPT? WILL IT HELP?
A DEAR LADY, WHOM I KNOW THRU' SIMILAR ILLNESS, IS NOW LYING IN A COMA. I SO MUCH WANTED TO BE THERE FOR HER, TO HELP HER ALONG THIS TORTUOUS PATH.
BUT HER WISH, AS WELL AS MINE, IS AND WAS TO GO SWIFTLY, IF WE MUST, FROM THIS WORLD WITHOUT ENDLESS SUFFERING AND PAIN AND SIMPLY, TORTURE.
AND NOW, AFTER YES SUFFERING, SHE LIES IN A COMA. MY MIND DOES NOT LET ME SLEEP-BUT SHE IS WITHOUT PAIN, I KEEP TELLING MYSELF. SHE CAN REST NOW- BUT IS SHE THERE? IS SHE REALLY ALIVE STILL? FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT, LIFE CHANGES SO DRASTICALLY. HERE YOU ARE, HERE YOU ARE NOT!
I KNOW THAT IT IS WRITTEN: 'LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST'- A LOVELY THOUGHT, BUT CAUGHT UP IN DAILY LIVING, DO I REMEMBER IT CONSTANTLY? NO, BECAUSE, AS A HUMAN BEING, I STRIVE TO CONTINUE LIVING, TO SEE MY LOVED ONES, TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS GLORIOUS LIFE, DESPIT IT ALL.
AND SO, I WRITE ABOUT MY FRIEND, KNOWING THAT ALL THE CRYING, SHOUTING, BEGGING,YELLING, MAY RELEASE SOME TENSION FROM MY BEING, BUT WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ACCEPTING IS THE ONLY PATH, AND HOW THAT HURTS!
I PRAY FOR MY DEAR NEW FRIEND, OF SUCH A SHORT TIME, TO GO PEACEFULLY, IF SHE MUST, AND TO BE AT REST, REST AND PEACE.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
JUNE 10-2012 FINALLY, I AM BACK WRITING AGAIN!
SHALOM! FOR THIS LONG PERIOD, I HAVE HAD DIFFICULTY GETTING INTO MY BLOGGER SITE, THUS THE RELAPSE IN MY WRITING. I HAVE MISSED JOURNALING, ALTHOUGH I DO SOME IN ANOTHER FILE OF MINE.
HERE IT IS JUNE, AND SO FAR, NO CANCER AGAIN. BUT IT HAS BEEN A ROCKY ROAD, AS I HAVE HAD NOW FOR 10 MONTHS, FOLLOWING MY CHEMO AND RADIATION, A DAILY, NIGHTLY PROBLEM WITH MY CHRONIC URTICARA, DUE TO MY LOW IMMUNE SYSTEM. ALTHOUGH I ALWAYS HAD SOMEWHAT OF A LOW IMMUNE SYSTEM, THE CHEMO AND RADIATION WORSENED THE SITUATION, AND I HAVE BEEN DAILY COVERED WITH HIVES, WELTS, SWELLINGS IN FACE, LIPS, EYES. IT HAS SO LESSENED GREATLY MY QUALITY OF LIVING. BUT SOMEHOW, THRU' IT ALL, I KEEP THINKING, WELL, IF IT ISN'T CANCER, THEN I WILL DEAL WITH IT. VERY EASY TO SAY! SO I AM CONSTANTLY ON MEDICATIONS AND NEW MEDICATIONS, ETC. BUT THANK G. FOR ONLY THAT!
I FINISHED TAKING A TRAINING COURSE FOR VOLUNTEERS WHO HAVE HAD CANCER OR OTHER MAJOR ILLNESSES, AND I NOW AM ABOUT TO BEGIN WORKING ONE ON ONE WITH ANOTHER CANCER MEMBER OF A CLASS WHERE I STUDY. HOPEFULLY, I HAVE ENOUGH EMPATHY AND CARING TO BE THERE FOR HER AS SHE NEEDS ME, TO SIT WITH HER, TO WALK BY HER SIDE. I PRAY THAT I WILL DO THIS POST FULL JUSTICE.
IN THE MEANTIME, I WISH ANY READER GOOD HEALTH, GOOD HOPES, POSITIVE READINGS AND ATTITUDE, TO LIVE EACH DAY WITH JOY AND THANKFULNESS AT ANOTHER CHANCE ON ANOTHER DAY.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME SOON,
REFUAH SHLAIMAH!- FEEL WELL!
SHALOM! FOR THIS LONG PERIOD, I HAVE HAD DIFFICULTY GETTING INTO MY BLOGGER SITE, THUS THE RELAPSE IN MY WRITING. I HAVE MISSED JOURNALING, ALTHOUGH I DO SOME IN ANOTHER FILE OF MINE.
HERE IT IS JUNE, AND SO FAR, NO CANCER AGAIN. BUT IT HAS BEEN A ROCKY ROAD, AS I HAVE HAD NOW FOR 10 MONTHS, FOLLOWING MY CHEMO AND RADIATION, A DAILY, NIGHTLY PROBLEM WITH MY CHRONIC URTICARA, DUE TO MY LOW IMMUNE SYSTEM. ALTHOUGH I ALWAYS HAD SOMEWHAT OF A LOW IMMUNE SYSTEM, THE CHEMO AND RADIATION WORSENED THE SITUATION, AND I HAVE BEEN DAILY COVERED WITH HIVES, WELTS, SWELLINGS IN FACE, LIPS, EYES. IT HAS SO LESSENED GREATLY MY QUALITY OF LIVING. BUT SOMEHOW, THRU' IT ALL, I KEEP THINKING, WELL, IF IT ISN'T CANCER, THEN I WILL DEAL WITH IT. VERY EASY TO SAY! SO I AM CONSTANTLY ON MEDICATIONS AND NEW MEDICATIONS, ETC. BUT THANK G. FOR ONLY THAT!
I FINISHED TAKING A TRAINING COURSE FOR VOLUNTEERS WHO HAVE HAD CANCER OR OTHER MAJOR ILLNESSES, AND I NOW AM ABOUT TO BEGIN WORKING ONE ON ONE WITH ANOTHER CANCER MEMBER OF A CLASS WHERE I STUDY. HOPEFULLY, I HAVE ENOUGH EMPATHY AND CARING TO BE THERE FOR HER AS SHE NEEDS ME, TO SIT WITH HER, TO WALK BY HER SIDE. I PRAY THAT I WILL DO THIS POST FULL JUSTICE.
IN THE MEANTIME, I WISH ANY READER GOOD HEALTH, GOOD HOPES, POSITIVE READINGS AND ATTITUDE, TO LIVE EACH DAY WITH JOY AND THANKFULNESS AT ANOTHER CHANCE ON ANOTHER DAY.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME SOON,
REFUAH SHLAIMAH!- FEEL WELL!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
APRIL 5-2012 ALONG MY JOURNEY
Shalom!
It's been quite a while since I last wrote. I always meant to, but by the time I did what I HAD to do, I was depleted and just went to bed. The fatigue hits whenever and is still prominent. After all the mammograms and ultrasounds again, thank G. right now, that part is clear. The attack on my immune system remains-leaving me with extreme fatigue, chronic urticars-i.e., hives, swelling in lips, eyes. Thus I get only so much done, and that is that. I just can't do more.
Of course, aging is a factor, but not to that extent. So after on/off pills to deal with all this allergy, I am back on again for at least 2 months. But altho' it is a pain, I remind myself to be thankful that it's not cancer, its' the result of the chemotherapy which did a real number on my immune system.
I finished taking the course to help other sick people, and now after Passover/Pesach, we will hear how our help will be implemented and where. In this course, and sometimes out in the 'world, there are some very caring people who want to reach out to others. It makes me believe in some of mankind.
Each set-back or pain or miscomfort reminds me to be sensitive to the pain of others.
I wish any reader a wonderful spring-let's try to enjoy nature and its beauty. I reach out to you, wherever you are, to say-thank G. we're alive right now, today, and G. willing, tomorrow and beyond.
Love and hugs
CHW
Sunday, February 12, 2012
FEB. 12-2012 A RESPITE ALONG THE WAY
SHALOM!
I AM TAKING a course for volunteers for future work in helping those w. cancer. I don't know if I will or can be strong enough to do it, but we are all trying at least to learn techniques (19 of us).
I need to remember the fear, the panic, the stress, the constant uncertainty when all of a sudden new tests and findings show up. There truly is a constant awareness and fear of what if, when, where, am I living properly, am I enjoying at all. These feelings continue on and then, we have a respite of time, hopefully a long time. :I have just finished getting over the panic associated with 3 biopsies on one side, and 1 on the other side. My chronic urticara, alongside, makes me feel that I have no control over my body, except to eat properly and to exercise. My mood tends to be down, and I must constantly strive to look up and be upbeat, not an easy feat. Fatigue continues to be a major 'downer' for me, as I lack energy. I am told that the chemotherapy did quite a number on my immune system, thus I am more prone to infections, fatigue. It's amazing that when your body is fighting against you, via pain, fatigue, infections, you really have to measure out your energy carefully. MY kind of depression at not being able to do more is a constant challenge. We usually support the other person. I need to learn, and perhaps we all do, to support myself and not be so hard on myself.
It is important to remember these feelings so that we can understand and empathize with another going thru' difficult times.
And so, today, during my respite-I soon will need to go thru' the mammogram period again-I am thankful for today, for what I do have. The wisest advice I received from a teacher of mine now is to live and enjoy-to go out, to travel, movies, friends, etc. I have tended to really hibernate due to physical outward manifestations, and depression. So I am trying to push myself out and within the world more.
My best wishes go out to any of you that identify with my words.
Until the next time-may we all feel positive emotionally and physically.
I AM TAKING a course for volunteers for future work in helping those w. cancer. I don't know if I will or can be strong enough to do it, but we are all trying at least to learn techniques (19 of us).
I need to remember the fear, the panic, the stress, the constant uncertainty when all of a sudden new tests and findings show up. There truly is a constant awareness and fear of what if, when, where, am I living properly, am I enjoying at all. These feelings continue on and then, we have a respite of time, hopefully a long time. :I have just finished getting over the panic associated with 3 biopsies on one side, and 1 on the other side. My chronic urticara, alongside, makes me feel that I have no control over my body, except to eat properly and to exercise. My mood tends to be down, and I must constantly strive to look up and be upbeat, not an easy feat. Fatigue continues to be a major 'downer' for me, as I lack energy. I am told that the chemotherapy did quite a number on my immune system, thus I am more prone to infections, fatigue. It's amazing that when your body is fighting against you, via pain, fatigue, infections, you really have to measure out your energy carefully. MY kind of depression at not being able to do more is a constant challenge. We usually support the other person. I need to learn, and perhaps we all do, to support myself and not be so hard on myself.
It is important to remember these feelings so that we can understand and empathize with another going thru' difficult times.
And so, today, during my respite-I soon will need to go thru' the mammogram period again-I am thankful for today, for what I do have. The wisest advice I received from a teacher of mine now is to live and enjoy-to go out, to travel, movies, friends, etc. I have tended to really hibernate due to physical outward manifestations, and depression. So I am trying to push myself out and within the world more.
My best wishes go out to any of you that identify with my words.
Until the next time-may we all feel positive emotionally and physically.
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