OCT. 24-2012 AN UPDATE FOR MY MEMORY

SHALOM!
WELL, SINCE I AM FAR FROM BEING A COMPUTER EXPERT, I GOT STUCK AND UNABLE TO GET INTO MY BLOG TO WRITE, ALTHO' I TRIED SEVERAL TIMES.
FROM END OF AUG. UNTIL NOW THE END OF OCT. I HAVE HAD SO MANY REGULAR CHECK-UPS AND CANCER CHECK-UPS, AS WELL AS A TRIP TO THE DENTIST. I AM SO GLAD TO SAY THAT THANK G. SO FAR, SO GOOD.
MY ONE LIFE-LONG BATTLE, AND SO MUCH MORE SO, IS MY UTTER FATIGUE WHICH I ALWAYS HAD SOMEWHAT, BUT AFTER MY CANCER EXPERIENCE, AND EVEN NOW, 2 YEARS LATER IS STILL SO PROMINENT IN MY LIFE. A LOT OF IT IS BECAUSE MY IMMUNE SYSTEM, LOW BEFORE THE CANCER, WAS VERY AFFECTED AFTER THE CHEMO AND RADIATION, AS WELL AS BEING ON A VERY HIGH, POSSIBLE ORGAN DAMAGING DRUG FOR A FULL YEAR, FOR THE SKIN CONDITION WHICH CONTROLLED MY LIFE AND LACK OF LIFE. WITHIN A FEW WEEKS NOW, THIS TREATMENT WILL CEASE, AND I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT THE PROBLEM WILL NOT RE-OCCUR.

I AM MINDFUL TO BE THANKFUL EVERY DAY, EVERY MOMENT. I CONTINUE TO GO TO MY CANCER GROUP STUDY ON BIBLE STUDY AND LIFE ISSUES, BUT ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP THERE NO MATTER HOW RESTED I TRY TO COME THERE. I AM AWARE TO LIMIT MY ACTIVITIES SOMEWHAT AND TRY TO BUILD UP STRENGTH, WHICH STILL EVADES ME. BUT I KEEP UP WITH EXERCISE, DIET, AND DOING THE ACTIVITIES THAT I CAN MANAGE, LIKE TEACHING PART-TIME, VOLUNTEERING PART TIME, SOCIAL EVENTS SOMEWHAT LESS.

I WISH ALL OF US WHO ARE IN TREATMENT OR POST TREATMENT BUT STILL CARRYING THE ONUS OF WORRY, HOPE FOR EACH GOOD NEW DAY.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME=
BYE

SEPT. 26-2012 THANKFUL EVERY MOMENT/SECOND

SHALOM TO MY BLOG;

FINALLY, A VERY CONCENTRATED DRUG IS HELPING WITH MY 2 YRS. OF ATTACK ON MY BODY DUE TO MY LOWER IMMUNE SYSTEM AFTER CHEMO AND RADIATION. THANK G. TO FEEL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. ALL CHECK-UPS LATELY ARE GOOD, AND I AM EVER SO THANKFUL EACH SECOND. A SCARE RECENTLY IMMEDIATELY PLUNGED ME INTO SUCH FEAR. IT HELPS ME REALIZE WHAT OTHERS ARE GOING THRU' AND IT IS EASY TO 'PREACH' TO OTHERS, BUT TO FEEL THAT DREAD, THAT FEAR IS ANOTHER STORY. SO I AM WISHING ALL OF US BETTER HEALTH SITUATIONS, THE STRENGTH TO COPE WITH WHERE WE ARE IN OUR TIME LINE OF LIFE.
UNTIL ANOTHER TIME,
YOURS,
CHW

SEPT. 6, 2012 A MONTH PLUS LATER....

SHALOM!
I can't believe so much time has gone by. I took a vacation for the month of August, to relax, to read, to visit, to just 'be' in my home town. I went loaded with my various medicines, but resisted going for second opinion consultations there. I needed just to be me, and to soak in all the love of friends and family. Thank G. I was relatively fine there. Now I am back with various medical checks to see if the coast is clear. :) :) I am so thankful for each new day, each new moment, and for feeling human again. I know that just as surely as I am doing 'well' now, hard times of one kind or another will come. But for now, for the moment, I have a peaceful mindset. I wish any readers good health-whatever may come, we shall somehow deal with it, but our help in taking care of ourselves by proper eating, resting, relaxing,enjoying will play a big part in our overall state.
I wish us all a healthy good year ahead and will keep my cancer blog open at least once a month.
Until the next time,........my best wishes.

JULY 11-2012 AND LIFE CONTINUES ON

WELL, TIME MOVES ON-WE ARE ALMOST AT THE 1 MONTH AFTER MY CANCER FRIEND'S DEATH. LIFE MOVES ON. MY OBSERVATIONS SHOW THAT NO MATTER HOW GREAT THE LOSS, HOW UTTERLY SAD WE ARE WHEN A LOVED PERSON DIES, THE OTHERS MUST AND DO LIVE ON. WE SOMEHOW THINK WE ARE INDISPENSABLE. AFTER ALL, THERE IS NO ONE EXACTLY LIKE US-EACH ONE OF US IS UNIQUE! BUT LIFE DICTATES THAT THE WORLD GOES ON-THE SUN SHINES, PEOPLE LAUGH, EAT, CELEBRATE. FOR SOME WHILE, WE REMEMBER WELL, AND THEN WE MOVE ON.
SOME REFLECTIONS OF MINE!

MY WORL RIGHT NOW SEEMS TO BE CANCER FREE, THANK G. BUT NOT PROBLEM FREE. THE CHEMO AND RADIATION HELPED MY IMMUNE SYSTEM TO FUNCTION  MORE POORLY, AND SO I HAVE SUFFERED NON-STOP WITH SWELLINGS OF EYES, LIPS, THROAT, HIVES ALL OVER MY BODY, WHICH HAVE BEEN RELENTLESS NOW FOR A FULL YEAR. I FINALLY AGREED TO GO ON A VERY STRONG, DANGEROUS DRUG, JUST SO THAT I COULD FUNCTION BETTER. THE PROBLEM STILL EXISTS BUT LESS FEROCIOUSLY. BUT AS I HAVE MUCH LESS QUALITY OF LIFE RIGHT NOW, I CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF, THAT AS LONG AS I AM CANCER FREE, I WILL LIVE WITH IT.

TO ANY READER STILL SUFFERING, MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU. I CAN TELL YOU THAT READING ABOUT OTHERS' STRENGTHS AND COPING SKILLS, AS WELL AS CONNECTING WITH POSITIVE CARING PEOPLE IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING.
AND SO I SIGN OFF FOR TODAY, WISHING ANY READER AND MYSELF A GOOD DAY, A GOOD MONTH, A GOOD ATTITUDE TO DEAL WITH WHAT WE MUST.

BYE FOR NOW.

JUNE 13-2012

YELLING, CRYING, SHOUTING, BEGGING!

DO I YELL? WILL IT HELP?
DO I CRY? WILL IT HELP?
DO I SHOUT? WILL IT HELP?
DO I BEG? WILL IT HELP?
DO I SIMPLY ACCEPT? WILL IT HELP?

A DEAR LADY, WHOM I KNOW THRU' SIMILAR ILLNESS, IS NOW LYING IN A COMA. I SO MUCH WANTED TO BE THERE FOR HER, TO HELP HER ALONG THIS TORTUOUS PATH.

BUT HER WISH, AS WELL AS MINE, IS AND WAS TO GO SWIFTLY, IF WE MUST, FROM THIS WORLD WITHOUT ENDLESS SUFFERING AND PAIN AND SIMPLY, TORTURE.

AND NOW, AFTER YES SUFFERING, SHE LIES IN A COMA. MY MIND DOES NOT LET ME SLEEP-BUT SHE IS WITHOUT PAIN, I KEEP TELLING MYSELF. SHE CAN REST NOW- BUT IS SHE THERE? IS SHE REALLY ALIVE STILL? FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT, LIFE CHANGES SO DRASTICALLY. HERE YOU ARE, HERE YOU ARE NOT!

I KNOW THAT IT IS WRITTEN: 'LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST'- A LOVELY THOUGHT, BUT CAUGHT UP IN DAILY LIVING, DO I REMEMBER IT CONSTANTLY? NO, BECAUSE, AS A HUMAN BEING, I STRIVE TO CONTINUE LIVING, TO SEE MY LOVED ONES, TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS GLORIOUS LIFE, DESPIT IT ALL.

AND SO, I WRITE ABOUT MY FRIEND, KNOWING THAT ALL THE CRYING, SHOUTING, BEGGING,YELLING, MAY RELEASE SOME TENSION FROM MY BEING, BUT WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ACCEPTING IS THE ONLY PATH, AND HOW THAT HURTS!

I PRAY FOR MY DEAR NEW FRIEND, OF SUCH A SHORT TIME, TO GO PEACEFULLY, IF SHE MUST, AND TO BE AT REST, REST AND PEACE.

JUNE 10-2012 FINALLY, I AM BACK WRITING AGAIN!

SHALOM! FOR THIS LONG PERIOD, I HAVE HAD DIFFICULTY GETTING INTO MY BLOGGER SITE, THUS THE RELAPSE IN MY WRITING. I HAVE MISSED JOURNALING, ALTHOUGH I DO SOME IN ANOTHER FILE OF MINE.

HERE IT IS JUNE, AND SO FAR, NO CANCER AGAIN. BUT IT HAS BEEN A ROCKY ROAD, AS I HAVE HAD NOW FOR 10 MONTHS, FOLLOWING MY CHEMO AND RADIATION, A DAILY, NIGHTLY PROBLEM WITH MY CHRONIC URTICARA, DUE TO MY LOW IMMUNE SYSTEM. ALTHOUGH I ALWAYS HAD SOMEWHAT OF A LOW IMMUNE SYSTEM, THE CHEMO AND RADIATION WORSENED THE SITUATION, AND I HAVE BEEN DAILY COVERED WITH HIVES, WELTS, SWELLINGS IN FACE, LIPS, EYES. IT HAS SO LESSENED GREATLY MY QUALITY OF LIVING. BUT SOMEHOW, THRU' IT ALL, I KEEP THINKING, WELL, IF IT ISN'T CANCER, THEN I WILL DEAL WITH IT. VERY EASY TO SAY! SO I AM CONSTANTLY ON MEDICATIONS AND NEW MEDICATIONS, ETC.  BUT THANK G. FOR ONLY THAT!

I FINISHED TAKING A TRAINING COURSE FOR VOLUNTEERS WHO HAVE HAD CANCER OR OTHER MAJOR ILLNESSES, AND I NOW AM ABOUT TO BEGIN WORKING ONE ON ONE WITH ANOTHER CANCER MEMBER OF A CLASS WHERE I STUDY. HOPEFULLY, I HAVE ENOUGH EMPATHY AND CARING TO BE THERE FOR HER AS SHE NEEDS ME, TO SIT WITH HER, TO WALK BY HER SIDE. I PRAY THAT I WILL DO THIS POST FULL JUSTICE.

IN THE MEANTIME, I WISH ANY READER GOOD HEALTH, GOOD HOPES, POSITIVE READINGS AND ATTITUDE, TO LIVE EACH DAY WITH JOY AND THANKFULNESS AT ANOTHER CHANCE ON ANOTHER DAY.

UNTIL THE NEXT TIME SOON,
REFUAH SHLAIMAH!- FEEL WELL!