Along Our
Train Ride of Life - June 2023
Shalom dear
readers:
Recently, I met a new
book club member, who stated: “I never knew that I had so many bodily parts. It
seems that they are all falling apart.” I often think similar thoughts. I
imagine that some of us along our train ride of life are facing unthinkable
health issues as well. In the bookstore, a book called THE GIFTS OF
IMPERFECTION by a well-known author, Brene Brown, caught my attention. How can
imperfection be a gift? My investigation led me to study Brene Brown’s
thoughts, solutions, and suggestions. I have gained so much from reading and
studying her book. I believe that we may all gain from Brene’s insights. Brene
Brown has written many best-seller books such as: DARING GREATLY, RISING
STRONG, BRAVING THE WILDERNESS, and DARE TO LEAD. We can hear her on TED talk
about the power of vulnerability.
OUR FEARS: Many of us
are fearful and look for assurances from others. We may ask, “What do you
think?” “Should I do it?” “Do you think it’s a good idea?” “Do you think that
I’ll regret it?” or “What would you do?” We want assurances and folks with whom
we can share the blame if things don’t pan out.
Sometimes when we’ve
tapped into our inner wisdom, we feel that we don’t know enough to make a
decision. Intuition is not a single way of knowing - it’s our ability to hold
space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve
developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and
reason.
It’s our fear of the
unknown and our fear of being wrong that create most of our conflict and
anxiety. We need both faith and reason to make meaning in an uncertain world.
Faith is a place of
mystery,go ofhere we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the
strength to let go our fear of uncertainty.
For Brene Brown, the
process of reclaiming her faith in life was not an easy one.
Brene Brown tries to
open her day with the goal of being a calm parent. She is mindful about the
effect that calm has on an anxious person or situation. Breathing is the
best place to start. Just taking a breath before we respond can slow us and
immediately start to spread calm. Will freaking out help? The answer is always
NO.
Many of us who are
searching for spiritual connection spend too much time looking up at the sky
and wondering why G. lives so far away.
G. lives with us, not
above us. Sharing our gifts and talents with the world is the most powerful source
of connection with G.
We all have special
gifts to give, despite any self-doubt and the feeling of “supposed to”.
Self-doubt undermines the process of finding our gifts and sharing them with
the world. “Supposed to” represents the battle to fit in, to be a perfectionist
and to prove ourselves. “Self-doubt” and “Supposed to” are the battle cry of fitting
in, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and proving ourselves. Who says? Why? Let
us feel, “I get it. I see that I’m afraid of this, but I’m going to do it
anyway.”
Brene Brown claims
that after analyzing all her data, she has learned that laughter, song, and
dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one
thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration,
inspiration, or healing: WE ARE NOT ALONE. She refers to the kind of laughter
that helps us heal as “KNOWING LAUGHTER”. Laughter is a bubbly, effervescent
form of holiness!
Brene Brown maintains
that SONG has its ability to move us emotionally-sometimes in ways we don’t
even comprehend. Music reaches out and offers us connection-something we really
can’t live without.
Dancing does much for
one’s spiritual health. Brene Brown believes that dance is in our DNA. There is
a strong pull toward rhythm and movement. The Hopi Indians have a saying: “To
watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak.”
Many of us seem to
fall under the category of: FEAR OF THE DARK – worry and anxiety tend to
overcome our ability to feel full joy and gratitude. If something good happens,
we tend to think it’s too good to be true. This is related to fear, scarcity,
and our vulnerability. Brown suggests we let go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
thoughts and actions. Living a wholehearted life includes “meaningful work”.
Some call it a “calling”; to others it brings a tremendous sense of
accomplishment and purpose from their work.
AS WE CULTIMATE
GRATITUDE AND JOY, WE ARE ENCOURAGED TO LET GO OF SCARCITY AND FEAR OF THE
DARK.
Love and belonging go
together. In order to feel a true sense of belonging, we need to bring our real
selves to the table, and we can only do that if we practice SELF-LOVE.
To practice gratitude:
keep a gratitude journal, do daily gratitude meditation and prayers, and stop
during a stressful, busy day, to actually say out loud: ‘I am grateful for….”.
Gratitude without practice doesn’t work.
A joyful life is not a
floodlight of joy. That would eventually become unbearable.
“A joyful life is made
up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude,
inspiration, and faith,” says Brene Bruner.
The words “not enough”
pops into our minds before we even think to question or examine it. We spend
most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining,
or worrying about what we don’t have enough of. We don’t have enough exercise.
Of course, we don’t have enough money. We’re not thin enough, we’re not smart
enough, etc. We’re starving from a lack of gratitude. Addressing scarcity
doesn’t mean searching for abundance, but rather choosing a mind-set of
sufficiency.
Our culture is quick
to dismiss quiet, ordinary, hardworking people. In many instances, we equate
ordinary with boring, or even more dangerous, ordinary has become synonymous
with meaningless. The memories that people held most sacred were the ordinary,
everyday moments.
In Gretchen Rubin’s
book, THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, and in Tal Ben Shahar’s research and book HAPPIER,
we read that we need to cultivate the spiritual practices that lead to
joyfulness, especially gratitude. One wants to feel joyful, gratitude, and more
happiness. We need to look at what is getting in the way of our achieving these
goals.
Sitting beside my work
area I have a lovely saying, which I read often that says: HAPPINESS IS NOT A
DESTINATION, IT IS A WAY OF LIFE! It is a constant challenge for us to strive
for, rather than constantly worrying about what we can’t change.
Brene Brown advises
us: If we believe that laughter, song, and dance are essential to our
soul-care, how do we make sure that we hold space for them in our lives? One
thing she has done is to turn on music and dance IN THE KITCHEN while preparing
and cleaning up after supper. She dances and sings, which almost always leads
to a good laugh. She tells us to dance every day for 5 minutes, and to sing
songs in the car when traveling.
She tells us that
however afraid we are of change, the question we must ultimately answer is
this: What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of
how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?
Wholehearted living is
about engaging in our lives form a place of worthiness. It’s about cultivating
the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think: NO
MATTER WHAT GETS DONE AND HOW MUCH IS LEFT UNDONE, I AM ENOUGH. It’s about going
to bed at night thinking, “YES, I AM IMPERFECT AND VULNERABLE AND SOMETIMES
AFRAID, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also BRAVE AND WORTHY OF
LOVE AND BELONGING.”
Writer May Jo Putney
says, “What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever”. A good belly
laugh, singing at the top of your lungs, and dance are unquestionably good for
the soul.
She tells us to think
of her book as an invitation to join a whole-hearted revolution. Each of us has
to think and say: “My story matters because I matter.” Choosing to live and love
with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You will confuse lots of people - including
yourself. You will wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same
time. Brene Brown feels most of the time-brave, afraid, and very, very, alive!
Marianne Williamson,
author and spiritual leader, says, “Joy is what happens to us when we allow
ourselves to recognize.” She suggests to get deliberate. When she is flooded
with fear and scarcity, she tries to call forward joy and sufficiency by
acknowledging the fear, rather than transforming it into GRATITUDE. She says
this out loud: “I’M VULNERABLE. THAT’S O’KAY. I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR….”.
Dr. Stuart Brown is a
psychiatrist, clinical researcher, and founder of the National Institute for
Play. He is the author of a wonderful book entitled, PLAY; HOW IT SHAPES THE
BRAIN, OPENS THE IMAGINATION, AND INVIGORATES THE SOUL. In today’s
culture-where our self-worth is tied to our net worth, and we base our
worthiness on our level of productivity - spending time doing anything
unrelated to the to-do list actually creates stress. We convince ourselves that
playing is a waste of precious time. We even convince ourselves that sleep is a
terrible use of our time.
As you can see, dear
readers, I value and have learned so many approaches to living from Brene
Brown. I hope that you also have gained insight as to how to deal and live the
best life you can.
Until we meet again in
July, G. willing,
CHW
