Shalom!
Well, another detour along my path to, hopefully, good health. After chemo #6 in this Taxol series, I developed excruciating stomach pains in my left side. That was followed by a sudden bleeding as well. In the hospital, I went thru' a CT scan. It seems that with the chemo, and then antibiotics for my arm problem way back in the first series, my immune system is low. Therefore I am more prone to infections. That's why I was so against chemo to begin with. So not new chemo treatment was given for now. I am once again on new antibiotics as the attack is on my colon, called 'colitis'. What I drink or eat will help nor harm, altho' I do try to eat less to make the colon work less. That is not very successful for me. Hopefully, when I finish my week of antibiotics, we may be able to resume the chemo treatment. I await to hear from my oncologist who decides. Being at home, resting a lot, seems to be my one way to cope these days.
I thank my readers who are hopeful and caring for me. Until the next write-up or editing of this one, bye for now.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
MAY 20-10 BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE
SHALOM:
The oncology dept. is so full of very ill people. The doctors are swamped, as are the exceptional nurses. I have not been able to see and talk to my oncologist for over 2 months. I am so thankful not to have a more serious cancer, but nevertheless I do have concerns and issues and a need to ask questions. The nurses have been wonderful with answering, but they often have to tell you to talk to your oncologist. This past week was close to the point at which I either continue all 12 taxol treatments or stop at 8 which was a possibility to be considered. With no doctor to talk to, I was very much in the dark, altho' the nurses said that everyone on taxol does all 12 tipulim.
I know in my heart that this one lovely nurse drawing my blood must have gone and cornered my oncologist and spoken to him. Suddenly that day, he came to smile at me. His nurse then cornered me and made me an appt. for 2 days later to discuss issues. Later on that same day, she said to come by his office, and possibly they will do it that day. I know that had I not been my own advocate and spoken of my frustration to my nurse attending me, that this would not have occurred. Bless the efficient, hard working nurses, and yes, people out there, whether you are in the U>S> or Canada or here in Israel, etc., BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. Speak up for yourself and ask questions.
Some summary points after my meeting for us all to think about.
Fatigue is common and after several weeks and months this will improve. Radiation as well will have its fatigue component, but less. Each of my series has its side effects, and it all varies from treatment to treatment and on the individual.
Based on my side effects and blood level, etc. my present treatments will end after the 8 sessions. Then I will have some time to kind of
come back to myself before starting radiation.
As to depression, we all live with uncertainty in life but get thru'
by denial, says my Dr., but with cancer (and such serious illnesses like after a heart attack,the denial is broken. We must learn to live with the anxiety and push it back of our head so that we can still live but not have it blind you. We all have an illusion of control through healthy living, etc. but the baseline risk of being human, we are all facing our mortality. Time helps, says my Dr. This in a nutshell is some of our discussion. Our body has betrayed us, and it takes time to trust our body again.
If this information helps anybody out there, I am pleased.
May we all pray for each other.
MY best wishes to you.
chaya bat sara bayla
The oncology dept. is so full of very ill people. The doctors are swamped, as are the exceptional nurses. I have not been able to see and talk to my oncologist for over 2 months. I am so thankful not to have a more serious cancer, but nevertheless I do have concerns and issues and a need to ask questions. The nurses have been wonderful with answering, but they often have to tell you to talk to your oncologist. This past week was close to the point at which I either continue all 12 taxol treatments or stop at 8 which was a possibility to be considered. With no doctor to talk to, I was very much in the dark, altho' the nurses said that everyone on taxol does all 12 tipulim.
I know in my heart that this one lovely nurse drawing my blood must have gone and cornered my oncologist and spoken to him. Suddenly that day, he came to smile at me. His nurse then cornered me and made me an appt. for 2 days later to discuss issues. Later on that same day, she said to come by his office, and possibly they will do it that day. I know that had I not been my own advocate and spoken of my frustration to my nurse attending me, that this would not have occurred. Bless the efficient, hard working nurses, and yes, people out there, whether you are in the U>S> or Canada or here in Israel, etc., BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. Speak up for yourself and ask questions.
Some summary points after my meeting for us all to think about.
Fatigue is common and after several weeks and months this will improve. Radiation as well will have its fatigue component, but less. Each of my series has its side effects, and it all varies from treatment to treatment and on the individual.
Based on my side effects and blood level, etc. my present treatments will end after the 8 sessions. Then I will have some time to kind of
come back to myself before starting radiation.
As to depression, we all live with uncertainty in life but get thru'
by denial, says my Dr., but with cancer (and such serious illnesses like after a heart attack,the denial is broken. We must learn to live with the anxiety and push it back of our head so that we can still live but not have it blind you. We all have an illusion of control through healthy living, etc. but the baseline risk of being human, we are all facing our mortality. Time helps, says my Dr. This in a nutshell is some of our discussion. Our body has betrayed us, and it takes time to trust our body again.
If this information helps anybody out there, I am pleased.
May we all pray for each other.
MY best wishes to you.
chaya bat sara bayla
Thursday, May 13, 2010
MAY 14-10 CONTINUING ON MY CANCERY JOURNEY
HI:
I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A LONG TIME. MY CONSTANT FATIGUE AND 'DOWN' MOODS JUST EXTRACT A LOT FROM ME. BUT I HAVE DONE 5 TREATMENTS OUT OF THE 12 IN THIS TAXOL SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY. I KNOW THAT I AM LUCKY TO HAVE 'JUST THIS', BUT I STILL AM STRUGGLING WITH IT ALL. I AM LIMITING SO MANY OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES DUE TO LACK OF STRENGTH, TENDING TO STAY HOME MORE AND MORE AT NIGHT FOR SURE, AND EVEN FOR WEEK-ENDS. FROM MY HOME BASE, I SEEM TO FUNCTION BETTER.
TAXOL RESULTS FOR ME:
EXTREME WAVES OF FATIGUE, FATIGUE -ACCOMPANYING DEPRESSION
TINGLING OF TOES AND ACUTE AWARENESS OF IT DAY AND NITE
BAD BREATH
'DOWN' MOODS
BLOODY NOSTRILS AND NEED MEDICATION
BUT I DO REMIND MYSELF TO BE THANKFUL THAT I HAVE COME THIS FAR, AND HOPE TO FEEL STRONGER AT SOME POINT.
I WISH EVERY READER WHO IS DOWN AND UNDER TO FEEL BETTER REAL SOON. FOR YOU HEALTHY READERS, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TO EAT PROPERLY, EXERCISE AS WELL, AND BE HAPPY.
BYE FOR NOW ONCE AGAIN.
I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A LONG TIME. MY CONSTANT FATIGUE AND 'DOWN' MOODS JUST EXTRACT A LOT FROM ME. BUT I HAVE DONE 5 TREATMENTS OUT OF THE 12 IN THIS TAXOL SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY. I KNOW THAT I AM LUCKY TO HAVE 'JUST THIS', BUT I STILL AM STRUGGLING WITH IT ALL. I AM LIMITING SO MANY OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES DUE TO LACK OF STRENGTH, TENDING TO STAY HOME MORE AND MORE AT NIGHT FOR SURE, AND EVEN FOR WEEK-ENDS. FROM MY HOME BASE, I SEEM TO FUNCTION BETTER.
TAXOL RESULTS FOR ME:
EXTREME WAVES OF FATIGUE, FATIGUE -ACCOMPANYING DEPRESSION
TINGLING OF TOES AND ACUTE AWARENESS OF IT DAY AND NITE
BAD BREATH
'DOWN' MOODS
BLOODY NOSTRILS AND NEED MEDICATION
BUT I DO REMIND MYSELF TO BE THANKFUL THAT I HAVE COME THIS FAR, AND HOPE TO FEEL STRONGER AT SOME POINT.
I WISH EVERY READER WHO IS DOWN AND UNDER TO FEEL BETTER REAL SOON. FOR YOU HEALTHY READERS, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TO EAT PROPERLY, EXERCISE AS WELL, AND BE HAPPY.
BYE FOR NOW ONCE AGAIN.
Monday, April 26, 2010
APRIL 26-10 LEARNING TO BE GRATEFUL
SHALOM!
When my body is fatigued, I tend to be down on myself, on life. I apologize for all of that. I have so much to be thankful for.
-I am getting care
-I am being accompanied by people who care
-I have help in my home
-I have my spot to live for now
-I have my friend, my dog
-I have caring friends and family
-I get out in the beautiful world
-I can e mail, phone, see, hear, walk, talk
-I can think-but I must work on myself to appreciate and not dwell on what is missing
So if you hear me complaining, you can remind me. My 3rd chemo is done, and except for utter fatigue, I feel fine, thank G.
I asked and was given an explanation why this series is so light compared to the prior series. Since I go every week for the whole day, then I can get lighter amounts per time rather than huge amounts every 3 weeks or 2 weeks. So it is easier on my system.
So I close thanking each of my caring individuals from close and from far who are thinking about me, loving and helping, each in their own way.
Thank you!
When my body is fatigued, I tend to be down on myself, on life. I apologize for all of that. I have so much to be thankful for.
-I am getting care
-I am being accompanied by people who care
-I have help in my home
-I have my spot to live for now
-I have my friend, my dog
-I have caring friends and family
-I get out in the beautiful world
-I can e mail, phone, see, hear, walk, talk
-I can think-but I must work on myself to appreciate and not dwell on what is missing
So if you hear me complaining, you can remind me. My 3rd chemo is done, and except for utter fatigue, I feel fine, thank G.
I asked and was given an explanation why this series is so light compared to the prior series. Since I go every week for the whole day, then I can get lighter amounts per time rather than huge amounts every 3 weeks or 2 weeks. So it is easier on my system.
So I close thanking each of my caring individuals from close and from far who are thinking about me, loving and helping, each in their own way.
Thank you!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
APRIL 22-10 THANK G. FOR EACH STEP
HI!
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I CAN TOLERATE THIS SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY (TAXOL) WHEN I SIMPLY COULD NOT MANAGE AT ALL WITH THE FIRST SERIES. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THEY ARE REALLY GIVING ME ENOUGH OF THE CHEMO IN THE INFUSION. NO NAUSEA MEANS I CAN FUNCTION. FATIGUE I KNOW TO SLOW MYSELF DOWN. SOME STOMACH CRAMPS I CAN TAKE, TINGLING AND FUNNY FEELING IN MY TOES I CAN ENDURE. BUT TO FEEL LIKE A HUMAN BEING-I CAN ALMOST FORGET THAT I HAVE CANCER-EXCEPT THAT THEY NOW SAY THAT THE CHEMO HAS MADE ME SOMEWHAT ANEMIC, AND THEY NEED TO MONITOR THAT.
SO ALL IN ALL, I FEEL VERY LUCKY. MY BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW IS IN THE REALIZATION THAT I WON'T GET TO TORONTO THIS SUMMER, WHERE I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS NON-STOP, AND OFTEN TWICE A YEAR. THAT'S WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE. HERE I HAVE A BARE MINIMUM OF FRIENDS TO VISIT WITH, MEET ETC. HOWEVER, TO GET OVER THIS IS MY AIM, AND I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT.
AS I WROTE BEFORE, IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I TRULY AM BEING HELD UP BY PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT I AM ON TRACK AND NOT MORE DESPONDENT.
I WISH EVERYONE GOOD HEALTH-ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN. THAT SEEMS TO BE A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON THAT I AM LEARNING FROM PEOPLE AROUND ME.
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I CAN TOLERATE THIS SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY (TAXOL) WHEN I SIMPLY COULD NOT MANAGE AT ALL WITH THE FIRST SERIES. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THEY ARE REALLY GIVING ME ENOUGH OF THE CHEMO IN THE INFUSION. NO NAUSEA MEANS I CAN FUNCTION. FATIGUE I KNOW TO SLOW MYSELF DOWN. SOME STOMACH CRAMPS I CAN TAKE, TINGLING AND FUNNY FEELING IN MY TOES I CAN ENDURE. BUT TO FEEL LIKE A HUMAN BEING-I CAN ALMOST FORGET THAT I HAVE CANCER-EXCEPT THAT THEY NOW SAY THAT THE CHEMO HAS MADE ME SOMEWHAT ANEMIC, AND THEY NEED TO MONITOR THAT.
SO ALL IN ALL, I FEEL VERY LUCKY. MY BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW IS IN THE REALIZATION THAT I WON'T GET TO TORONTO THIS SUMMER, WHERE I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS NON-STOP, AND OFTEN TWICE A YEAR. THAT'S WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE. HERE I HAVE A BARE MINIMUM OF FRIENDS TO VISIT WITH, MEET ETC. HOWEVER, TO GET OVER THIS IS MY AIM, AND I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT.
AS I WROTE BEFORE, IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I TRULY AM BEING HELD UP BY PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT I AM ON TRACK AND NOT MORE DESPONDENT.
I WISH EVERYONE GOOD HEALTH-ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN. THAT SEEMS TO BE A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON THAT I AM LEARNING FROM PEOPLE AROUND ME.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
APRIL 19-10 ONWARD ON MY JOURNEY
SHALOM!
WELL, I am into my second series of chemo. So far, thank G. so good. Fatigue I can live with, as long as I am not totally nauseous. The first week went by almost normally. Now I'm on my way for the 2nd chemo. Once a week, every week for 12 weeks-3 months. It's only because some family member or friend is by my bedside that I get thru' it without total depression. I remind myself to be thankful-I see and know how much worse off others are.
But this is my struggle now. to stay on top, even tho' it's not easy. I thank each and everyone who has offered prayers, calls, e mails, thoughts towards me. I wish everyone well.
WELL, I am into my second series of chemo. So far, thank G. so good. Fatigue I can live with, as long as I am not totally nauseous. The first week went by almost normally. Now I'm on my way for the 2nd chemo. Once a week, every week for 12 weeks-3 months. It's only because some family member or friend is by my bedside that I get thru' it without total depression. I remind myself to be thankful-I see and know how much worse off others are.
But this is my struggle now. to stay on top, even tho' it's not easy. I thank each and everyone who has offered prayers, calls, e mails, thoughts towards me. I wish everyone well.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
APRIL 11-GETTING READY FOR NEW ONSLOUGHT
SHALOM!
I finally had the 'port' put in my chest, a more permanent hole so that I do not have to be pricked over and over again in my arm to find a good vein. Every treatment is a 'big' ordeal for me. I do worry and fret, but somehow get through it and its aftermath pain. But now it is a part of me, as was my operation, as was my blood clots. Everything in life comes and passes. My break of feeling 'normal' for Pesach was quite nice-but in the back of my mind is the worry-'what if the cancer is growing or attaching on to another molecule?' So that I just want to get onto the treatment and get it over with, although it is a long haul. 8-12 weeks, once a week of Taxol chemotherapy, where you are drugged and sleep or are half out of it, and lie there. Once I understand it all, I will express myself better. For now, I eat as I know it is difficult to do so once chemo sets in. Thank G. for my family who supported me for the insert of the port, for my family to sit by my side while under the Taxol drugs. Life is for now, every day, every minute. No one knows the future-even the healthy population.
So be well, enjoy today! Will write again at some point.
I finally had the 'port' put in my chest, a more permanent hole so that I do not have to be pricked over and over again in my arm to find a good vein. Every treatment is a 'big' ordeal for me. I do worry and fret, but somehow get through it and its aftermath pain. But now it is a part of me, as was my operation, as was my blood clots. Everything in life comes and passes. My break of feeling 'normal' for Pesach was quite nice-but in the back of my mind is the worry-'what if the cancer is growing or attaching on to another molecule?' So that I just want to get onto the treatment and get it over with, although it is a long haul. 8-12 weeks, once a week of Taxol chemotherapy, where you are drugged and sleep or are half out of it, and lie there. Once I understand it all, I will express myself better. For now, I eat as I know it is difficult to do so once chemo sets in. Thank G. for my family who supported me for the insert of the port, for my family to sit by my side while under the Taxol drugs. Life is for now, every day, every minute. No one knows the future-even the healthy population.
So be well, enjoy today! Will write again at some point.
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