Hello once again:
I have now had 4 radiation treatments. Thank G. the treatment itself is quick, and nonpainful in any way. The getting to and fro,and the long waiting outside are lengthy. So you very easily use up a whole morning with this business, whether you come early or mid morning.
What has me so shocked is seeing the vast numbers of cancer patients, some of whom are still SMOKING, regardless of their state. It simply boggles my mind! I see people from all walks of life, rich, poor, religious, non-religious, Arab, Christian, Jewish, you see it all! I sometimes feel like I am in a group who is dealing with death close by but trying to keep on living. Will all of us gain years from all these months of treatments? Will we live without pain or declining in our abilities? How does one keep up a sense of optimism? Remember, from Oct. 09, I for one, has had my life center around operation, chemotherapy for months, infections, radiation and now in July, 2010 my life still centers around my coping ability. I have given up many outside activities due to fatigue. I grab my sleeping hours when I can, forgetting about a social life in the evenings for the most part.
I have given up my summer yearly travel to my home of origin. But hopefully, I will rise above this year and become active and motivated to do new things again in the future.
I remind myself always to be thankful that it is not worse for me. I have been told that by the end of a couple of more radiation treatments, I will have some negative reactions and more fatigue again. But so far so good, thank goodness.
I wish each and every reader good healthy days-enjoy life while we can.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
JUNE 21-10 THE NEWEST CHALLENGE
I am now onto radiation. It was unbelievable to feel almost normal in the 1 week of no chemo. But psychologically and emotionally, I was and am still down that pit, trying to climb out, or trying to keep afloat in the ocean of worry, despondence, and not quite fitting in all around me.
But one foot goes in front of the other, and I try to enjoy each opportunity that comes my way. Had my first radiation meeting explaining to me briefly what it entails. This 2nd meeting was to paint the exact areas to be radiated. I would fit in well in an Indian tribe right now. By the grace of above, because I had no lymph nodes detected due to my yearly mammogram (DO IT), I will only need 3 1/2 weeks of daily radiation rather than 6 weeks. The challenge is more how to switch my mind from negative to positive hope, and where do I fit in, when until now my whole world has been weekly trips to the hospital and then living its after effects. Now this period will be to cope with the side effects of radiation. Hard to jump to each test, and to be somewhat 'normal' to the outside world.
That's about it in a nutshell for now. I wish good health to all.
But one foot goes in front of the other, and I try to enjoy each opportunity that comes my way. Had my first radiation meeting explaining to me briefly what it entails. This 2nd meeting was to paint the exact areas to be radiated. I would fit in well in an Indian tribe right now. By the grace of above, because I had no lymph nodes detected due to my yearly mammogram (DO IT), I will only need 3 1/2 weeks of daily radiation rather than 6 weeks. The challenge is more how to switch my mind from negative to positive hope, and where do I fit in, when until now my whole world has been weekly trips to the hospital and then living its after effects. Now this period will be to cope with the side effects of radiation. Hard to jump to each test, and to be somewhat 'normal' to the outside world.
That's about it in a nutshell for now. I wish good health to all.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
june 8-TAXOL CHEMOTHERAPY TO STOP
HELLO:
Well, my 8th and last taxol chemo treatment was done yesterday. I imagine I will have the same fatigue feelings and feet and hand sensations, but it's another series finished. It is kind of scary, as going each week I knew that they are working on killing 'whatever' remains of cancer are there. But it was a stiff price to pay weekly, with 2 infections along the way.
Next week, I will go for a preliminary assessment for radiation at Hadassah Ein Karem. Then I will know more of what is in store for me. But there will be an interim now for my body to recuperate.
Had my breasts checked today with my surgeon-all o'kay, thank G. will come every 6 mos. and do a mammogram first to bring him.
My feelings are one of worry ( to discuss at a much later point) and utter fatigue. But hopefully, some light ahead. I must learn to live 'in the moment'. Life is right now, today. Yesterday is gone, past. Tomorrow is anyone's guess. So as much as I want to live and enjoy, I need to rest quite a bit.
Thanks again to all of who who are supporting me in your own way.
I hope that any readers are doing well in their lives.
Well, my 8th and last taxol chemo treatment was done yesterday. I imagine I will have the same fatigue feelings and feet and hand sensations, but it's another series finished. It is kind of scary, as going each week I knew that they are working on killing 'whatever' remains of cancer are there. But it was a stiff price to pay weekly, with 2 infections along the way.
Next week, I will go for a preliminary assessment for radiation at Hadassah Ein Karem. Then I will know more of what is in store for me. But there will be an interim now for my body to recuperate.
Had my breasts checked today with my surgeon-all o'kay, thank G. will come every 6 mos. and do a mammogram first to bring him.
My feelings are one of worry ( to discuss at a much later point) and utter fatigue. But hopefully, some light ahead. I must learn to live 'in the moment'. Life is right now, today. Yesterday is gone, past. Tomorrow is anyone's guess. So as much as I want to live and enjoy, I need to rest quite a bit.
Thanks again to all of who who are supporting me in your own way.
I hope that any readers are doing well in their lives.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
JUNE 6-10 ALONG THE CANCER JOURNEY
Shalom
I seem less inclined to write lately, due to my extreme fatigue and worry. After the attack on my colon, I have lived in fear of another such attack. But thank G., I am simply tired, tired, along with the tingling of fingers and toes and exhaustion. So I choose to stay home for the most part, except for my teaching and some exercise to keep alive. Thank goodness for my little dog, which forces me out for short outings as well.
I have become a real kvetch. Reading and tv occupy my time mostly. I am so thankful for any books passed my way.
Anyways, I can hardly believe that tomorrow, June 7, may be my last Taxol chemo treatment. Most people have 12 treatments, but Dr. Cherney feels 8 is best for me. Then a rest to give my body a chance to recoup, and on to radiation. I have become so accustomed to treatment each week-I won't know what or how to cope.
Let's hope that tomorrow will pass o'kay with no bad effects.
Have a good day.
chaya bat sarah bayla
I seem less inclined to write lately, due to my extreme fatigue and worry. After the attack on my colon, I have lived in fear of another such attack. But thank G., I am simply tired, tired, along with the tingling of fingers and toes and exhaustion. So I choose to stay home for the most part, except for my teaching and some exercise to keep alive. Thank goodness for my little dog, which forces me out for short outings as well.
I have become a real kvetch. Reading and tv occupy my time mostly. I am so thankful for any books passed my way.
Anyways, I can hardly believe that tomorrow, June 7, may be my last Taxol chemo treatment. Most people have 12 treatments, but Dr. Cherney feels 8 is best for me. Then a rest to give my body a chance to recoup, and on to radiation. I have become so accustomed to treatment each week-I won't know what or how to cope.
Let's hope that tomorrow will pass o'kay with no bad effects.
Have a good day.
chaya bat sarah bayla
Thursday, May 27, 2010
MAY 28-10 ANOTHER SNAG ALONG THE WAY
Shalom!
Well, another detour along my path to, hopefully, good health. After chemo #6 in this Taxol series, I developed excruciating stomach pains in my left side. That was followed by a sudden bleeding as well. In the hospital, I went thru' a CT scan. It seems that with the chemo, and then antibiotics for my arm problem way back in the first series, my immune system is low. Therefore I am more prone to infections. That's why I was so against chemo to begin with. So not new chemo treatment was given for now. I am once again on new antibiotics as the attack is on my colon, called 'colitis'. What I drink or eat will help nor harm, altho' I do try to eat less to make the colon work less. That is not very successful for me. Hopefully, when I finish my week of antibiotics, we may be able to resume the chemo treatment. I await to hear from my oncologist who decides. Being at home, resting a lot, seems to be my one way to cope these days.
I thank my readers who are hopeful and caring for me. Until the next write-up or editing of this one, bye for now.
Well, another detour along my path to, hopefully, good health. After chemo #6 in this Taxol series, I developed excruciating stomach pains in my left side. That was followed by a sudden bleeding as well. In the hospital, I went thru' a CT scan. It seems that with the chemo, and then antibiotics for my arm problem way back in the first series, my immune system is low. Therefore I am more prone to infections. That's why I was so against chemo to begin with. So not new chemo treatment was given for now. I am once again on new antibiotics as the attack is on my colon, called 'colitis'. What I drink or eat will help nor harm, altho' I do try to eat less to make the colon work less. That is not very successful for me. Hopefully, when I finish my week of antibiotics, we may be able to resume the chemo treatment. I await to hear from my oncologist who decides. Being at home, resting a lot, seems to be my one way to cope these days.
I thank my readers who are hopeful and caring for me. Until the next write-up or editing of this one, bye for now.
Monday, May 17, 2010
MAY 20-10 BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE
SHALOM:
The oncology dept. is so full of very ill people. The doctors are swamped, as are the exceptional nurses. I have not been able to see and talk to my oncologist for over 2 months. I am so thankful not to have a more serious cancer, but nevertheless I do have concerns and issues and a need to ask questions. The nurses have been wonderful with answering, but they often have to tell you to talk to your oncologist. This past week was close to the point at which I either continue all 12 taxol treatments or stop at 8 which was a possibility to be considered. With no doctor to talk to, I was very much in the dark, altho' the nurses said that everyone on taxol does all 12 tipulim.
I know in my heart that this one lovely nurse drawing my blood must have gone and cornered my oncologist and spoken to him. Suddenly that day, he came to smile at me. His nurse then cornered me and made me an appt. for 2 days later to discuss issues. Later on that same day, she said to come by his office, and possibly they will do it that day. I know that had I not been my own advocate and spoken of my frustration to my nurse attending me, that this would not have occurred. Bless the efficient, hard working nurses, and yes, people out there, whether you are in the U>S> or Canada or here in Israel, etc., BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. Speak up for yourself and ask questions.
Some summary points after my meeting for us all to think about.
Fatigue is common and after several weeks and months this will improve. Radiation as well will have its fatigue component, but less. Each of my series has its side effects, and it all varies from treatment to treatment and on the individual.
Based on my side effects and blood level, etc. my present treatments will end after the 8 sessions. Then I will have some time to kind of
come back to myself before starting radiation.
As to depression, we all live with uncertainty in life but get thru'
by denial, says my Dr., but with cancer (and such serious illnesses like after a heart attack,the denial is broken. We must learn to live with the anxiety and push it back of our head so that we can still live but not have it blind you. We all have an illusion of control through healthy living, etc. but the baseline risk of being human, we are all facing our mortality. Time helps, says my Dr. This in a nutshell is some of our discussion. Our body has betrayed us, and it takes time to trust our body again.
If this information helps anybody out there, I am pleased.
May we all pray for each other.
MY best wishes to you.
chaya bat sara bayla
The oncology dept. is so full of very ill people. The doctors are swamped, as are the exceptional nurses. I have not been able to see and talk to my oncologist for over 2 months. I am so thankful not to have a more serious cancer, but nevertheless I do have concerns and issues and a need to ask questions. The nurses have been wonderful with answering, but they often have to tell you to talk to your oncologist. This past week was close to the point at which I either continue all 12 taxol treatments or stop at 8 which was a possibility to be considered. With no doctor to talk to, I was very much in the dark, altho' the nurses said that everyone on taxol does all 12 tipulim.
I know in my heart that this one lovely nurse drawing my blood must have gone and cornered my oncologist and spoken to him. Suddenly that day, he came to smile at me. His nurse then cornered me and made me an appt. for 2 days later to discuss issues. Later on that same day, she said to come by his office, and possibly they will do it that day. I know that had I not been my own advocate and spoken of my frustration to my nurse attending me, that this would not have occurred. Bless the efficient, hard working nurses, and yes, people out there, whether you are in the U>S> or Canada or here in Israel, etc., BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. Speak up for yourself and ask questions.
Some summary points after my meeting for us all to think about.
Fatigue is common and after several weeks and months this will improve. Radiation as well will have its fatigue component, but less. Each of my series has its side effects, and it all varies from treatment to treatment and on the individual.
Based on my side effects and blood level, etc. my present treatments will end after the 8 sessions. Then I will have some time to kind of
come back to myself before starting radiation.
As to depression, we all live with uncertainty in life but get thru'
by denial, says my Dr., but with cancer (and such serious illnesses like after a heart attack,the denial is broken. We must learn to live with the anxiety and push it back of our head so that we can still live but not have it blind you. We all have an illusion of control through healthy living, etc. but the baseline risk of being human, we are all facing our mortality. Time helps, says my Dr. This in a nutshell is some of our discussion. Our body has betrayed us, and it takes time to trust our body again.
If this information helps anybody out there, I am pleased.
May we all pray for each other.
MY best wishes to you.
chaya bat sara bayla
Thursday, May 13, 2010
MAY 14-10 CONTINUING ON MY CANCERY JOURNEY
HI:
I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A LONG TIME. MY CONSTANT FATIGUE AND 'DOWN' MOODS JUST EXTRACT A LOT FROM ME. BUT I HAVE DONE 5 TREATMENTS OUT OF THE 12 IN THIS TAXOL SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY. I KNOW THAT I AM LUCKY TO HAVE 'JUST THIS', BUT I STILL AM STRUGGLING WITH IT ALL. I AM LIMITING SO MANY OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES DUE TO LACK OF STRENGTH, TENDING TO STAY HOME MORE AND MORE AT NIGHT FOR SURE, AND EVEN FOR WEEK-ENDS. FROM MY HOME BASE, I SEEM TO FUNCTION BETTER.
TAXOL RESULTS FOR ME:
EXTREME WAVES OF FATIGUE, FATIGUE -ACCOMPANYING DEPRESSION
TINGLING OF TOES AND ACUTE AWARENESS OF IT DAY AND NITE
BAD BREATH
'DOWN' MOODS
BLOODY NOSTRILS AND NEED MEDICATION
BUT I DO REMIND MYSELF TO BE THANKFUL THAT I HAVE COME THIS FAR, AND HOPE TO FEEL STRONGER AT SOME POINT.
I WISH EVERY READER WHO IS DOWN AND UNDER TO FEEL BETTER REAL SOON. FOR YOU HEALTHY READERS, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TO EAT PROPERLY, EXERCISE AS WELL, AND BE HAPPY.
BYE FOR NOW ONCE AGAIN.
I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A LONG TIME. MY CONSTANT FATIGUE AND 'DOWN' MOODS JUST EXTRACT A LOT FROM ME. BUT I HAVE DONE 5 TREATMENTS OUT OF THE 12 IN THIS TAXOL SERIES OF CHEMOTHERAPY. I KNOW THAT I AM LUCKY TO HAVE 'JUST THIS', BUT I STILL AM STRUGGLING WITH IT ALL. I AM LIMITING SO MANY OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES DUE TO LACK OF STRENGTH, TENDING TO STAY HOME MORE AND MORE AT NIGHT FOR SURE, AND EVEN FOR WEEK-ENDS. FROM MY HOME BASE, I SEEM TO FUNCTION BETTER.
TAXOL RESULTS FOR ME:
EXTREME WAVES OF FATIGUE, FATIGUE -ACCOMPANYING DEPRESSION
TINGLING OF TOES AND ACUTE AWARENESS OF IT DAY AND NITE
BAD BREATH
'DOWN' MOODS
BLOODY NOSTRILS AND NEED MEDICATION
BUT I DO REMIND MYSELF TO BE THANKFUL THAT I HAVE COME THIS FAR, AND HOPE TO FEEL STRONGER AT SOME POINT.
I WISH EVERY READER WHO IS DOWN AND UNDER TO FEEL BETTER REAL SOON. FOR YOU HEALTHY READERS, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TO EAT PROPERLY, EXERCISE AS WELL, AND BE HAPPY.
BYE FOR NOW ONCE AGAIN.
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