I am so reluctant to write again, as I am so negative about accepting chemo as a solution. I know that I should and am grateful for having come thru' the operation and feeling so like myself for the past few weeks. I would like to just forget all about it, and just live. But I remind myself of the prayer: 'G. give the the grace to accept what I cannot change'. I think these are not the exact words. How can I dare complain when there are so many other really horrible things going on in this world? Yet, me as a mere human being, am self-absorbed right now, altho' I do ache for every misfortune that I read and hear about. But I pray, that I will get tough when I must to do what I must, and try to keep my dignity and be independent as much as possible. I guess that's what I fear a lot-losing my total independence. I try to not ask for much help or to put anyone else out. Yet I know that to receive is important as is giving, except that giving comes much easier for me.
I humbly thank some of my readers who are filling me up with love and encouragement by your encouraging comments. My family from abroad kept me alive and feeling loved these last few weeks, and I am sorry to see them gone back to their lives, as they must.
Hopefully, when I write next, I will be more upbeat and gracious and very thankful for the type of cancer that I have.
If you can identify with any of my mood, I wish you strength to keep upbeat and hopeful and knowing that we each have to go thru' this life with smooth and rocky times. Sometimes, as it is now for me, the boat really rocks.
Bye for now.
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