With the start of chemo plus the injection 2 days later, I could barely eat, let alone function. But I did somehow manage to teach, some light exercise and act like I was one of the civilized 'normal' healthy beings. But I subsisted on a touch of soup and a cracker if possible. I could not then imagine continuing on like this. I had the choice of this extra injection to really doubly attack the cancer within and also shorten the whole chemo period. By providence's miracle of miracles, by Fri. nite, Shabat, I went with my son to eat at neighbors whom I very much like. Somehow, I started to eat with the family, and even enjoyed it. I had never eaten this much in over a week. Shabat day was sunny, lovely, and although I could not stay long in services as I keep falling asleep and abhor huge crowds now (fear of catching other's illnesses), I very much enjoyed the lunch Sabbat meal with other friends. My body though kept calling me back to rest, rest, rest, which I do now more than ever. Hard to believe it is me. And so with this week 'free' from treatments, I am able to eat more (although quite often nauseous and need a pill to relieve that feeling). A stupid, lovely movie and a bowl of soup w. my dear cousin helped me feel less 'down' yesterday. And so, with this respite of a week, I will try to accept the next hard week to come with its violent aftermath. Perhaps, second time round, it will be less horrendous. Who knows? I keep remembering to be thankful that it is only breast cancer and hopefully contained. My hair has not fallen out yet, altho' I did go to get fitted for my new head covering.
I think I have rambled on enough. With all of the above, I am so thankful to be here, alive, surrounded with loving people who care and don't desert me with my 'kvetchiness'. Again, I thank any and all of my readers for their good prayers and wishes. I pray for many other sick people and for all the misfortunate souls in the world.
It is now the month of Shvat-new blossoms coming out, now some rain finally. Nature continues its course in life, birth and death. Somehow we or I have to learn that it is all part of 'the plan'.
Until next time, enjoy, enjoy and work on being healthy and thankful, I tell myself and wish for you all.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
THE WAR IS RAGING-JAN. 14-10
WHAT A NIGHT! MY HEART ACHES FOR ALL THE PEOPLE OF HAITI, AND THEIR SUFFERING. YET, MY WAR IS RAGING WITHIN ME. A KIND NURSE TOLD ME YESTERDAY THAT MY REDNESS IN FACE SHOWS THAT A WAR IS RAGING INSIDE. BELIEVE ME, LAST NIGHT I BARELY SLEPT-I COULD FEEL THE BATTLE INSIDE MY CAVITIES, MY STOMACH, MY RIB CAGE-HOT BURNING ONES. IT KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT. BUT I TRIED TO REST, FINALLY GOT UP TO GIVE MYSELF A HOT FOOT BATH TO SOOTHE MY SOUL AND FEET. THANK G. I HAD A SON AND GRANDAUGHTER IN ADJACENT BEDROOMS, JUST THERE, DIDN'T DISTURB THEM, BUT KNOWING THEY WERE THERE, WAS ENOUGH FOR ME.
THANK G. IT IS MORNING, AND ONCE AGAIN, I WILL TRY TO KEEP UP, GOING TO TEACH, ETC.
I AM SO THANKFUL FOR A NEW DAY, FOR HOPE FOR ALL SICK PEOPLE, FOR A REAL HELP TO AID THE PEOPLE OF HAITI AND ALL OVER WHO ARE AILING AND LOSING FAMILY MEMBERS.
HOW FORTUNATE WE REALLY ARE WITH ALL THAT WE HAVE, WHEN YOU READ OF THEIR POVERTY.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
p.s. Teaching today was as if nothing at all was wrong with me. I try not to show it on the surface, as that is not fair to my teacher students. But thank G. for this gift I have to be able to reach children and adults alike, to teach, be with, relate to, and perhaps influence thoughts, feelings, and actions in the world. As Rosh Chodesh approaches, despite all the difficult moments, and periods we have, as individuals, as families, as a people, let's try to think of all the good that we have and to look forward to, G. willing. This is not my preaching. It is what I know will help me.
THANK G. IT IS MORNING, AND ONCE AGAIN, I WILL TRY TO KEEP UP, GOING TO TEACH, ETC.
I AM SO THANKFUL FOR A NEW DAY, FOR HOPE FOR ALL SICK PEOPLE, FOR A REAL HELP TO AID THE PEOPLE OF HAITI AND ALL OVER WHO ARE AILING AND LOSING FAMILY MEMBERS.
HOW FORTUNATE WE REALLY ARE WITH ALL THAT WE HAVE, WHEN YOU READ OF THEIR POVERTY.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
p.s. Teaching today was as if nothing at all was wrong with me. I try not to show it on the surface, as that is not fair to my teacher students. But thank G. for this gift I have to be able to reach children and adults alike, to teach, be with, relate to, and perhaps influence thoughts, feelings, and actions in the world. As Rosh Chodesh approaches, despite all the difficult moments, and periods we have, as individuals, as families, as a people, let's try to think of all the good that we have and to look forward to, G. willing. This is not my preaching. It is what I know will help me.
AN UPDATE on my cancer journey -Jan. 13-10
I HAD MY SHOT TODAY, AND AM HOPING THAT I WILL NOT HAVE TOO BAD A RESULT OF FLU AND HEAVY ACHINESS. I DID GET FLUSHED CHEEKS DUE TO ONE OF THE MEDICINES. SOME NAUSEA PERSISTS BUT THANK G. NO REAL VOMITING. I AM CUTTING OUT ALL VOLUNTEERING FOR NOW, AND CONTINUE TO TEACH , TO GO TO OSTEOPOROSIS EXERCISE, AND TO TRY AND LEARN TO RELAX A BIT AT HOME MORE (THAT ONE IS HARD TO DO).
I feel very lucky to have a bit of home help through the government.
I HAVE BEEN LUCKY TO HAVE SONS HERE AT NIGHT JUST FOR 'TLC' REASSURANCE THAT I REALLY FEEL BADLY. SO FAR, THANK G. THEY SLEEP RIGHT THROUGH WITH NO DISTURBANCE FROM ME.
I HOPE THAT ALL OUT THERE WHO ARE GOING THRU' THIS, WILL HAVE A LOT OF STRENGTH AND FAITH AND FEEL WELL.
THANK YOU TO ALL MY GUARDIAN ANGELS ALONG THIS JOURNEY OF CANCER.
I feel very lucky to have a bit of home help through the government.
I HAVE BEEN LUCKY TO HAVE SONS HERE AT NIGHT JUST FOR 'TLC' REASSURANCE THAT I REALLY FEEL BADLY. SO FAR, THANK G. THEY SLEEP RIGHT THROUGH WITH NO DISTURBANCE FROM ME.
I HOPE THAT ALL OUT THERE WHO ARE GOING THRU' THIS, WILL HAVE A LOT OF STRENGTH AND FAITH AND FEEL WELL.
THANK YOU TO ALL MY GUARDIAN ANGELS ALONG THIS JOURNEY OF CANCER.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
jan. 11-10 FIRST CHEMOTHERAPY DAY
These write-ups are bascially for me, but if will help anyone going thru' such a time, I will be very pleased. Also, I simply cannot keep up with the many phone calls (thank G.) and I cannot give out details over and over again. So you have this option, or via e mails, which I always answer personally, whenever I can do it.
After avoiding and negating, the whole idea of chemo, it was now time to simply do it,if I want to extend years of my life, to see nachas, G. willing, so I'm doing it.
Woke up at 3 a.m. day of chemo, forced myself to read articles, fold clothes, do a Suduko of all things. I tried to act like normal.
Some wonderful angels were sent to me for this day. An acquaintance , now a good friend from my w.w. class had asked me weeks ago, 'if I would give her the honor to help me in any way during this time'. I really never planned to ask her, but as life works out, she was the only one available and did she assist. She was there before me at 7:40 a.m. to get me a number in line, to acquire a comfortable quiet corner for me to spend the day, to take my blood work to the lab, which must be done before each treatment to see of all blood is in order. D. sat with me all morning, and then insisted on going to my health center to acquire a new prescription for me; then she raced back to return my health card, which I never go without.
My son, who works in this hospital, brought the wonder harp lady to play for all of us, so relaxing and soothing. I was lucky to get a 20 min. reflexology session, thanks to a nurse who got me in. Somehow the order for my intravenous had not gone in early enough, so although I arrived at 7:40 a.m. I had to wait 3 hours to begin. In the meantime, the insert into my veins was dislodged, and my arm swelled. Only after pain, did I see it, and then we had to find specialist for this, to remove it, find another spot (my veins are not clear), and to prick again and insert.
My supportive cousin came rushing over at her lunch time to be there bringing me a sandwich from the cafeteria. DUring chemo, you cannot drink anything hot, which was the hardest thing for me, but cold water all day or ice. I managed to read the paper, relax alone a bit, and then another cancer patient, whom I recently befriended, dropped in as she was there for a test.
Finally, I was the last to finish my chemo. as I had started so late. It was a long day!
At home, I did get quite quite nageous couldnt
eat ordrink. Believe it or not, another angel, a nurse, called ME to see how I am. She insisted that I take a pain pill and eat something. My wonderful neighbor who had shopped for me cooked a veg. soup and brought over warm soup, which I managed to eat a bit of, another angel for me.
Lastly, my wonderful son came to sleep over and reassure me.
Now, the next day, Jan. 12, I am trying to live normally, but am limiting my excursions. I did do a short osteoporosis class and walked a bit. That's about it.
Well, this write-up again, is for me, and whomever can benefit from it.
I again thank each and everyone of you who is praying, wishing me in your own ways, good luck.
Tomorow, I get an injection to double whammy attack the poison, but from that I am likely to get severe pains in my bones and body, and it is not sure if I can withstand this treatment.
We shall see.
Hope I haven't bored any of you readers.
Refuah shlaima,a full recovery, to all who are ill.
This Shabat starts a new month of Shvat, when flowers start to bloom. May our health bloom as the flowers and trees, and give us pleasure.
THANK YOU TO ALL MY GUARDIAN ANGELS, CHILDREN, FAMILY, FRIENDS, NURSES.
After avoiding and negating, the whole idea of chemo, it was now time to simply do it,if I want to extend years of my life, to see nachas, G. willing, so I'm doing it.
Woke up at 3 a.m. day of chemo, forced myself to read articles, fold clothes, do a Suduko of all things. I tried to act like normal.
Some wonderful angels were sent to me for this day. An acquaintance , now a good friend from my w.w. class had asked me weeks ago, 'if I would give her the honor to help me in any way during this time'. I really never planned to ask her, but as life works out, she was the only one available and did she assist. She was there before me at 7:40 a.m. to get me a number in line, to acquire a comfortable quiet corner for me to spend the day, to take my blood work to the lab, which must be done before each treatment to see of all blood is in order. D. sat with me all morning, and then insisted on going to my health center to acquire a new prescription for me; then she raced back to return my health card, which I never go without.
My son, who works in this hospital, brought the wonder harp lady to play for all of us, so relaxing and soothing. I was lucky to get a 20 min. reflexology session, thanks to a nurse who got me in. Somehow the order for my intravenous had not gone in early enough, so although I arrived at 7:40 a.m. I had to wait 3 hours to begin. In the meantime, the insert into my veins was dislodged, and my arm swelled. Only after pain, did I see it, and then we had to find specialist for this, to remove it, find another spot (my veins are not clear), and to prick again and insert.
My supportive cousin came rushing over at her lunch time to be there bringing me a sandwich from the cafeteria. DUring chemo, you cannot drink anything hot, which was the hardest thing for me, but cold water all day or ice. I managed to read the paper, relax alone a bit, and then another cancer patient, whom I recently befriended, dropped in as she was there for a test.
Finally, I was the last to finish my chemo. as I had started so late. It was a long day!
At home, I did get quite quite nageous couldnt
eat ordrink. Believe it or not, another angel, a nurse, called ME to see how I am. She insisted that I take a pain pill and eat something. My wonderful neighbor who had shopped for me cooked a veg. soup and brought over warm soup, which I managed to eat a bit of, another angel for me.
Lastly, my wonderful son came to sleep over and reassure me.
Now, the next day, Jan. 12, I am trying to live normally, but am limiting my excursions. I did do a short osteoporosis class and walked a bit. That's about it.
Well, this write-up again, is for me, and whomever can benefit from it.
I again thank each and everyone of you who is praying, wishing me in your own ways, good luck.
Tomorow, I get an injection to double whammy attack the poison, but from that I am likely to get severe pains in my bones and body, and it is not sure if I can withstand this treatment.
We shall see.
Hope I haven't bored any of you readers.
Refuah shlaima,a full recovery, to all who are ill.
This Shabat starts a new month of Shvat, when flowers start to bloom. May our health bloom as the flowers and trees, and give us pleasure.
THANK YOU TO ALL MY GUARDIAN ANGELS, CHILDREN, FAMILY, FRIENDS, NURSES.
Friday, January 8, 2010
JAN.8-10: ME, THE CHICKEN STARTS TO BE AGGRESSIVE
Well, enough of feeling sorry for myself. If I have to fight, then I will try to. My chemo starts this Mon. I am also trying an injection 1 1/2 days later to really kill the remnants. This second part of injection may give me much more pain than even the chemo effects, but I will give it a try. This is not a medical update here, just some basic facts. Sleep is evading me but the beautiful weather and beautiful family popping in and being here keep me more upbeat.
May this Shabat Mevorchim (bringing in a new month) give all of us people w. medical issues or other, new hope for a good week and a good month.
Bye for this time. Shabat Shalom!
May this Shabat Mevorchim (bringing in a new month) give all of us people w. medical issues or other, new hope for a good week and a good month.
Bye for this time. Shabat Shalom!
Monday, January 4, 2010
G. GIVE ME THE GRACE TO ACCEPT....JAN. 4-10
I am so reluctant to write again, as I am so negative about accepting chemo as a solution. I know that I should and am grateful for having come thru' the operation and feeling so like myself for the past few weeks. I would like to just forget all about it, and just live. But I remind myself of the prayer: 'G. give the the grace to accept what I cannot change'. I think these are not the exact words. How can I dare complain when there are so many other really horrible things going on in this world? Yet, me as a mere human being, am self-absorbed right now, altho' I do ache for every misfortune that I read and hear about. But I pray, that I will get tough when I must to do what I must, and try to keep my dignity and be independent as much as possible. I guess that's what I fear a lot-losing my total independence. I try to not ask for much help or to put anyone else out. Yet I know that to receive is important as is giving, except that giving comes much easier for me.
I humbly thank some of my readers who are filling me up with love and encouragement by your encouraging comments. My family from abroad kept me alive and feeling loved these last few weeks, and I am sorry to see them gone back to their lives, as they must.
Hopefully, when I write next, I will be more upbeat and gracious and very thankful for the type of cancer that I have.
If you can identify with any of my mood, I wish you strength to keep upbeat and hopeful and knowing that we each have to go thru' this life with smooth and rocky times. Sometimes, as it is now for me, the boat really rocks.
Bye for now.
I humbly thank some of my readers who are filling me up with love and encouragement by your encouraging comments. My family from abroad kept me alive and feeling loved these last few weeks, and I am sorry to see them gone back to their lives, as they must.
Hopefully, when I write next, I will be more upbeat and gracious and very thankful for the type of cancer that I have.
If you can identify with any of my mood, I wish you strength to keep upbeat and hopeful and knowing that we each have to go thru' this life with smooth and rocky times. Sometimes, as it is now for me, the boat really rocks.
Bye for now.
Monday, December 28, 2009
FEELING GOOD ABOUT A CHOICE OF AN ONCOLOGIST-DEC. 28-09
Happiness is:
-feeling loved
-being accepted
-successful at work, etc. etc.
We all have things that make us 'happy'. And here I am happy and almost delirious about my choice of an oncologist. This matter simply drove me crazy, and I spent many hours trying to come to a change of oncologists, and to dare take another. I basically am afraid to venture onto new things, but do when I must. Anyways, thank G. for my choice. I found Dr. Cherney so caring, thorough, empathetic, calming. The fact that he too had had cancer and chemotherapy helped me realize he really knows what one goes through. The nurses were wonderful. I took a swine flu shot now before I start the chemo. The nurses invited me to have a guided explanation if I wished before I start the treatments, which is exactly what I need.
Next week, I am to take a heart test. The team of 6 oncologists will sit together next week to discuss my personal case, as well as others. He will study my particular needs (in the area of receptors-which I can't explain), and he will tell me about 2 different ways of chemo-for he and I to discuss and decide. Where I fit in to decide is beyond me, but it is reassuring that he will ask my opinion. I asked all kinds of questions like nausea, genetic testing (which I will do shortly for my family members to have). All in all, I went home reassured and still dreading what's coming, but resigned that it most likely can give me extra years when it kills remaining remnants.
Amazing that happiness can be about such a topic like chemotherapy, but choosing a right guide is so very important to me.
Good luck to any reader-I give thanks every moment of the day for each positive step along the way.
Thanks always to my wonderful supporters and concerned friends and family.
-feeling loved
-being accepted
-successful at work, etc. etc.
We all have things that make us 'happy'. And here I am happy and almost delirious about my choice of an oncologist. This matter simply drove me crazy, and I spent many hours trying to come to a change of oncologists, and to dare take another. I basically am afraid to venture onto new things, but do when I must. Anyways, thank G. for my choice. I found Dr. Cherney so caring, thorough, empathetic, calming. The fact that he too had had cancer and chemotherapy helped me realize he really knows what one goes through. The nurses were wonderful. I took a swine flu shot now before I start the chemo. The nurses invited me to have a guided explanation if I wished before I start the treatments, which is exactly what I need.
Next week, I am to take a heart test. The team of 6 oncologists will sit together next week to discuss my personal case, as well as others. He will study my particular needs (in the area of receptors-which I can't explain), and he will tell me about 2 different ways of chemo-for he and I to discuss and decide. Where I fit in to decide is beyond me, but it is reassuring that he will ask my opinion. I asked all kinds of questions like nausea, genetic testing (which I will do shortly for my family members to have). All in all, I went home reassured and still dreading what's coming, but resigned that it most likely can give me extra years when it kills remaining remnants.
Amazing that happiness can be about such a topic like chemotherapy, but choosing a right guide is so very important to me.
Good luck to any reader-I give thanks every moment of the day for each positive step along the way.
Thanks always to my wonderful supporters and concerned friends and family.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)