Shalom!
My mammogram almost exactly to the year this week showed no cancer evident in the breast area, thank G. It was a real fright to be taken in again to 'the room' after the mammogram for further testing. I immediately asked: 'Again?' You found more?' But after having cancer, it seems you not only get a mammogram, but have an ultra sound as well. Now I will know for the next time.
My shoulder area continues to plague me, but I try to put it in perspective to others suffering more. And now, with my fatigue partner always accompanying me day and night, bingo, I get Vertigo, and am a helpless soul in the middle of the night. Frightening it is, but when I measure my fear and feelings against life and death in the Carmel area, and how people died, I know to put it all in perspective. Thank G. I am still functioning, even with all these set backs. Cancelling another planned Shabat trip to grandchildren in another city was necessary, but not the end of the world (in my new worldly outlook).
And so, I ask any readers, to continue wishing well all those whom you know who are still not well, or who are recovering, each in her own way, and I thank you all for your prayers and love that I feel even from a distance.
Shabat Shalom-Chanukah Sameach, as best we can enjoy/appreciate it and life.
Until next time....
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
NOV. 25-2010 TIME!
Shalom!
Time, the great equalizer perhaps, the passage of time eases, soothes, stretches on, goes so quickly, continues to plague us-so many different interpretations of this concept of time.
All I know is that almost exactly to the year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I can finally say that I feel somewhat like a normal human being. Fear is always lurking re the unknown, fatigue is a part of me constantly minus the sudden waves of fatigue hitting at me non-stop, but I am functioning more or less normally again.
The release of knowing that this pain of the last 4 months is from A rotator cuff impingement and adhesive capsulitis and not from cancer itself. The terms sound scary, but so far the 2 injections have helped, I am getting proper physio for this ailment. I hope that all the blood work and body bone scan will come out o'kay. It seems that although I feel more normal, I am constantly being tested and checked and running to doctors and/or tests. But thankfully, I am being monitored.
How does cancer change you, improve you, defeat you? Well, I saw such a change in my attitude this past week, when I had planned a 3 day get away to a resort with sessions on good health taking place. This was to be my first venture out of my cancer world of the past year. Not only that, but I was going alone, knowing no one, and not sharing a room with anyone (a first for me).
To make a long story short, I gave my dog to a pension, and with all my nervousness before a trip (I am always tense before leaving my home and security for any length of time), went to the meeting place to only find out that the trip had been cancelled and that I had not been notified.
I was certainly angry at the mismanagement of the organization, but soon after I returned home, thinking, that after all that I have gone thru' this past year, I can't overreact. It just isn't worth my being upset. And so I used my time to finish other things and proceeded on with my life. This is not how I would have reacted before my illness. I would have stayed upset for a long time and more emotionally angry. but now... I just let it flow.
Anyways, c'est la vie. Life has and is going to have its flow upwards and most certainly downwards all along this journey of life.
I wish all of any readers good health and good moments of happiness., and an easy flow thru' life's journey.
Bye for now.
Time, the great equalizer perhaps, the passage of time eases, soothes, stretches on, goes so quickly, continues to plague us-so many different interpretations of this concept of time.
All I know is that almost exactly to the year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I can finally say that I feel somewhat like a normal human being. Fear is always lurking re the unknown, fatigue is a part of me constantly minus the sudden waves of fatigue hitting at me non-stop, but I am functioning more or less normally again.
The release of knowing that this pain of the last 4 months is from A rotator cuff impingement and adhesive capsulitis and not from cancer itself. The terms sound scary, but so far the 2 injections have helped, I am getting proper physio for this ailment. I hope that all the blood work and body bone scan will come out o'kay. It seems that although I feel more normal, I am constantly being tested and checked and running to doctors and/or tests. But thankfully, I am being monitored.
How does cancer change you, improve you, defeat you? Well, I saw such a change in my attitude this past week, when I had planned a 3 day get away to a resort with sessions on good health taking place. This was to be my first venture out of my cancer world of the past year. Not only that, but I was going alone, knowing no one, and not sharing a room with anyone (a first for me).
To make a long story short, I gave my dog to a pension, and with all my nervousness before a trip (I am always tense before leaving my home and security for any length of time), went to the meeting place to only find out that the trip had been cancelled and that I had not been notified.
I was certainly angry at the mismanagement of the organization, but soon after I returned home, thinking, that after all that I have gone thru' this past year, I can't overreact. It just isn't worth my being upset. And so I used my time to finish other things and proceeded on with my life. This is not how I would have reacted before my illness. I would have stayed upset for a long time and more emotionally angry. but now... I just let it flow.
Anyways, c'est la vie. Life has and is going to have its flow upwards and most certainly downwards all along this journey of life.
I wish all of any readers good health and good moments of happiness., and an easy flow thru' life's journey.
Bye for now.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
NOV. 18-10 AN UPDATE
SHALOM:
I AM KEEPING A RUNNING COMMENTARY OF MY LIFE FOR MY CANCER GROUP, FOR MY ABUNDANCE DIARY, AND ALSO THIS BLOG. I RUN OUT OF STEAM TO KEEP UP WITH IT ALL.
SOMEHOW, THANK G. 4 MONTHS AFTER I FINISHED TREATMENTS, THE FATIGUE , ALTHOUGH STILL THERE, IS NOT AS VICIOUS AS BEFORE. I ALWAYS DESCRIBED IT AS WAVES OF FATIGUE WASHING OVER ME INSTANTANEOUSLY. NOW IT COMES, BUT I KNOW TO JUST LIE DOWN, AND ACCEPT IT, AND IT APPEARS LESS VIOLENT. PERHAPS I HAVE JUST LEARNED TO ACCEPT.
MY SON TOOK ME TO TEL HASHOMER HOSPITAL TO THE HEAD OF A PAIN CLINIC FOR MY CONSTANT PAINS IN MY RIGHT SHOULDER, ARM. (SAME SIDE AS SURGERY AND RADIATION. THANK G. CT TEST SHOWED NO CANCER INVOLVEMENT.
THE DR. THERE DIAGNOSED ME IMMEDIATELY AND GAVE ME 2 SHOTS OF CORTISONE, WHICH HAVE HELPED TEMPORARILY. NOW I GO FOR TESTING IN MY WHOLE BODY, BUT THIS SEEMS TO BE ANOTHER PROBLEM UNRELATED TO MY CANCER. HOWEVER THE RADIATION POSITIONING OF MY ARM DAILY, AND NO MOVEMENT ALLOWED, PERHAPS EXASBERATED THE CONDITION OF MY SHOULDER. ANYWAYS, I NOW GO FOR NEW PHYSIO THERAPY, TESTS, ETC. BUT KNOWING THAT IT IS NOT CANCER SURE RELIEVED MY MIND IMMENSELY.
I AM FUNCTIONING MORE LIKE A HUMAN BEING NOW THANK G. AND AM ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR EACH THING THAT I CAN DO OR ATTEND. SINCE I LOVE MY TEACHING, THAT GIVES ME MUCH SATISFACTION. HAVING CARING FAMILY AND FRIENDS ADDS IMMENSELY TO MY SELF ESTEEM. I HAVE BEEN A DIFFICULT PATIENT AT TIMES, LACKING FULL FAITH, BUT I KEEP PLUGGING ALONG.
IT WAS WITH GREAT SADNESS TO HEAR OF THE DEATH OF OTHER CANCER WOMEN LATELY. WE ALL HAVE OUR END SITE, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN TO US. THAT'S WHY WE MUST ENJOY WHAT WE CAN AS LONG AS WE CAN.
AND SO, I FINALLY TOOK A MOVE THIS WEEK OUT OF MY CANCER WORLD AND WORRY-WENT WITH A GROUP OF TEACHERS FOR A DAY'S TIYUL, OUTING. CAME BACK EXHAUSTED BUT SO HAPPY.
I WISH ANY READER PEACE AND HEALTH IN THEIR BODIES AND HEARTS.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME-SHALOM
I AM KEEPING A RUNNING COMMENTARY OF MY LIFE FOR MY CANCER GROUP, FOR MY ABUNDANCE DIARY, AND ALSO THIS BLOG. I RUN OUT OF STEAM TO KEEP UP WITH IT ALL.
SOMEHOW, THANK G. 4 MONTHS AFTER I FINISHED TREATMENTS, THE FATIGUE , ALTHOUGH STILL THERE, IS NOT AS VICIOUS AS BEFORE. I ALWAYS DESCRIBED IT AS WAVES OF FATIGUE WASHING OVER ME INSTANTANEOUSLY. NOW IT COMES, BUT I KNOW TO JUST LIE DOWN, AND ACCEPT IT, AND IT APPEARS LESS VIOLENT. PERHAPS I HAVE JUST LEARNED TO ACCEPT.
MY SON TOOK ME TO TEL HASHOMER HOSPITAL TO THE HEAD OF A PAIN CLINIC FOR MY CONSTANT PAINS IN MY RIGHT SHOULDER, ARM. (SAME SIDE AS SURGERY AND RADIATION. THANK G. CT TEST SHOWED NO CANCER INVOLVEMENT.
THE DR. THERE DIAGNOSED ME IMMEDIATELY AND GAVE ME 2 SHOTS OF CORTISONE, WHICH HAVE HELPED TEMPORARILY. NOW I GO FOR TESTING IN MY WHOLE BODY, BUT THIS SEEMS TO BE ANOTHER PROBLEM UNRELATED TO MY CANCER. HOWEVER THE RADIATION POSITIONING OF MY ARM DAILY, AND NO MOVEMENT ALLOWED, PERHAPS EXASBERATED THE CONDITION OF MY SHOULDER. ANYWAYS, I NOW GO FOR NEW PHYSIO THERAPY, TESTS, ETC. BUT KNOWING THAT IT IS NOT CANCER SURE RELIEVED MY MIND IMMENSELY.
I AM FUNCTIONING MORE LIKE A HUMAN BEING NOW THANK G. AND AM ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR EACH THING THAT I CAN DO OR ATTEND. SINCE I LOVE MY TEACHING, THAT GIVES ME MUCH SATISFACTION. HAVING CARING FAMILY AND FRIENDS ADDS IMMENSELY TO MY SELF ESTEEM. I HAVE BEEN A DIFFICULT PATIENT AT TIMES, LACKING FULL FAITH, BUT I KEEP PLUGGING ALONG.
IT WAS WITH GREAT SADNESS TO HEAR OF THE DEATH OF OTHER CANCER WOMEN LATELY. WE ALL HAVE OUR END SITE, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN TO US. THAT'S WHY WE MUST ENJOY WHAT WE CAN AS LONG AS WE CAN.
AND SO, I FINALLY TOOK A MOVE THIS WEEK OUT OF MY CANCER WORLD AND WORRY-WENT WITH A GROUP OF TEACHERS FOR A DAY'S TIYUL, OUTING. CAME BACK EXHAUSTED BUT SO HAPPY.
I WISH ANY READER PEACE AND HEALTH IN THEIR BODIES AND HEARTS.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME-SHALOM
Thursday, November 4, 2010
NOV. 4-10 GENETIC OUTCOME
SHALOM!
Finally, some solution to the genetic mystery. In the 3major tests given to Jewish Ashkenazi women, I came out clean. As for further testing, which involved a large sum of my own funds, it was decided that since I am less than 5% likely to get ovarian cancer, then my job is to do ovary check ups, called CA 125 tests, twice a year forever and not do the further testing.
Hopefully, this will protect me from not finding out way late in the game re ovarian cancer. At the same time, I am checked periodically by my oncologist and have a mammogram every 6 months for at least this year, and then down to once a year.
I have learned to accept the fatigue and lie down often several times a day. The pain has become part of me, but I will be tested at Tel Hashomer next week to see what else can be done.
All in all, I am thankful every moment, every second, every day. Life is beautiful despite all.
Shabat shalom to all.
chaya bat sarah baylah
Finally, some solution to the genetic mystery. In the 3major tests given to Jewish Ashkenazi women, I came out clean. As for further testing, which involved a large sum of my own funds, it was decided that since I am less than 5% likely to get ovarian cancer, then my job is to do ovary check ups, called CA 125 tests, twice a year forever and not do the further testing.
Hopefully, this will protect me from not finding out way late in the game re ovarian cancer. At the same time, I am checked periodically by my oncologist and have a mammogram every 6 months for at least this year, and then down to once a year.
I have learned to accept the fatigue and lie down often several times a day. The pain has become part of me, but I will be tested at Tel Hashomer next week to see what else can be done.
All in all, I am thankful every moment, every second, every day. Life is beautiful despite all.
Shabat shalom to all.
chaya bat sarah baylah
Sunday, October 31, 2010
NOV. 1, 2010
Shalom once again to my blog and readers:
Now to catch myself up on what is going on. It is slowly sinking in to me that this constant heavy fatigue is going to be part of me for even up to a year. My oncologist gave me an article for doctors that really showed me that with all of my medical background, this is what is, and not a sign of further cancer necessarily.Therefore, live w. it, and accept the need to lie down all the time between activities.
Secondly, the pain of shoulder and arm seems to be from the biopsy when they cut into the lymph nodes to check for the spread of cancer. Physio therapy has done me no good thus far. I am going next week to another specialist elsewhere to see what he can do. But one learns to live with the pain and discomfort.
Other than all of the above, I am mindful of each good moment and happening in life. It hurts me terribly to see other women ill with cancer or dying of it right now. I pray for all of us-statistics show that 4,000 women get hit with cancer in Israel every year-we must do our part to eat healthy, to exercise, to keep our bodies and our minds active and near positive, friendly people.
To any readers who know me personally, I thank you for your encouragement and patience and friendship.
It is November, time marches on, and I thank the universe for granting me more time here on earth. May I use it well.
Now to catch myself up on what is going on. It is slowly sinking in to me that this constant heavy fatigue is going to be part of me for even up to a year. My oncologist gave me an article for doctors that really showed me that with all of my medical background, this is what is, and not a sign of further cancer necessarily.Therefore, live w. it, and accept the need to lie down all the time between activities.
Secondly, the pain of shoulder and arm seems to be from the biopsy when they cut into the lymph nodes to check for the spread of cancer. Physio therapy has done me no good thus far. I am going next week to another specialist elsewhere to see what he can do. But one learns to live with the pain and discomfort.
Other than all of the above, I am mindful of each good moment and happening in life. It hurts me terribly to see other women ill with cancer or dying of it right now. I pray for all of us-statistics show that 4,000 women get hit with cancer in Israel every year-we must do our part to eat healthy, to exercise, to keep our bodies and our minds active and near positive, friendly people.
To any readers who know me personally, I thank you for your encouragement and patience and friendship.
It is November, time marches on, and I thank the universe for granting me more time here on earth. May I use it well.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
OCT. 7-10 ALONG THE CANCER JOURNEY
SHALOM!
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I LAST WROTE. AT THIS POINT, I STILL HAVE NO ANSWER RE GENETIC FURTHER TESTING. THINGS MOVE VERY SLOWLY IT SEEMS, AND WITH MANY MANY ILL PATIENTS, ONE HAS TO LEARN PATIENCE.
I HAVE BEEN SPENDING MY TIME BEING CONSTANTLY MINDFUL OF WHATEVER GOOD MOMENTS/HOURS/TIMES SPENT COME MY WAY. I AM SO THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW, AS I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT.
SINCE MY RADIATION WHICH FINISHED MID JULY, I HAVE BEEN BATTLING PAINS IN MY ARM, SHOULDER, AREA OF THE SIDE OPERATED ON AND RADIATED ON. IT HAS CAUSED ME LOSS OF POWER TO DO VARIOUS TASKS, BUT MOSTLY PAIN. THAT PLUS THE FATIGUE WHICH JUST WON'T LEAVE ME, KEEP ME FRUSTRATED AND YES, STILL WORRIED. SO TO CONTRAST THAT WORRY AND PAIN, I AM DOUBLY THANKFUL FOR ALL GOOD LITTLE EVENTS. I FIND MYSELF TOO HARD ON MYSELF AND KEEP PUSHING MYSELF. I NEED TO LEARN TO LET IT FLOW, AND NOT EXPECT SO MUCH FROM MYSELF. THE PAMPERING FROM WHATEVER SOURCE COMES MY WAY IS SO APPRECIATED.
I FORTUNATELY FINALLY FOUND 2 DIFFERENT PLACES TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MYSELF, MY BODY, MY FEELINGS. ONE IS FROM A CANCER GROUP TO HELP US ADJUSTING TO IT ALL, AND THE OTHER IS FROM A DOCTOR WHO HELPS US UNDERSTAND THE CONNECTION OF BODY AND SPIRIT AND OUR NEEDS.
WELL, ENOUGH RAMBLING ON FOR TODAY. I WISH ANY OF YOU OUT THERE WHO ARE HURTING OR WORRYING, STRENGTH TO ENJOY WHATEVER YOU CAN. THERE ARE ALWAYS THE UPS AND DOWNS FOR ALL OF US.
AS A NEW JEWISH MONTH BEGINS, AND SHABAT APPROACHES, I WISH YOU ALL A HEALTHY MONTH AND AN ENJOYABLE SHABAT.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME....
chaya bat sarah bayla
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I LAST WROTE. AT THIS POINT, I STILL HAVE NO ANSWER RE GENETIC FURTHER TESTING. THINGS MOVE VERY SLOWLY IT SEEMS, AND WITH MANY MANY ILL PATIENTS, ONE HAS TO LEARN PATIENCE.
I HAVE BEEN SPENDING MY TIME BEING CONSTANTLY MINDFUL OF WHATEVER GOOD MOMENTS/HOURS/TIMES SPENT COME MY WAY. I AM SO THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW, AS I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT.
SINCE MY RADIATION WHICH FINISHED MID JULY, I HAVE BEEN BATTLING PAINS IN MY ARM, SHOULDER, AREA OF THE SIDE OPERATED ON AND RADIATED ON. IT HAS CAUSED ME LOSS OF POWER TO DO VARIOUS TASKS, BUT MOSTLY PAIN. THAT PLUS THE FATIGUE WHICH JUST WON'T LEAVE ME, KEEP ME FRUSTRATED AND YES, STILL WORRIED. SO TO CONTRAST THAT WORRY AND PAIN, I AM DOUBLY THANKFUL FOR ALL GOOD LITTLE EVENTS. I FIND MYSELF TOO HARD ON MYSELF AND KEEP PUSHING MYSELF. I NEED TO LEARN TO LET IT FLOW, AND NOT EXPECT SO MUCH FROM MYSELF. THE PAMPERING FROM WHATEVER SOURCE COMES MY WAY IS SO APPRECIATED.
I FORTUNATELY FINALLY FOUND 2 DIFFERENT PLACES TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MYSELF, MY BODY, MY FEELINGS. ONE IS FROM A CANCER GROUP TO HELP US ADJUSTING TO IT ALL, AND THE OTHER IS FROM A DOCTOR WHO HELPS US UNDERSTAND THE CONNECTION OF BODY AND SPIRIT AND OUR NEEDS.
WELL, ENOUGH RAMBLING ON FOR TODAY. I WISH ANY OF YOU OUT THERE WHO ARE HURTING OR WORRYING, STRENGTH TO ENJOY WHATEVER YOU CAN. THERE ARE ALWAYS THE UPS AND DOWNS FOR ALL OF US.
AS A NEW JEWISH MONTH BEGINS, AND SHABAT APPROACHES, I WISH YOU ALL A HEALTHY MONTH AND AN ENJOYABLE SHABAT.
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME....
chaya bat sarah bayla
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
SEPT. 1, 2010 A NEW YEAR WISH
Shalom!
Here we are on Sept. 1-close to Rosh Hashana and a new year, which I pray will bring all of us a refuah shlaimah, courage to withstand what we must and to find some inner peace and enjoyment from this time we have allotted us on this planet.
I actually have no new news at this point. My oncologist is conferring with another top oncologist re some genetic issues. In the meantime, I am carrying on, pampering myself a bit after this period, being extremely fatigued still. But I try to enjoy what I can, and am so thankful to have come this far.
In the meantime, I wish each and every reader good health-do your tests and take good care physically and emotionally to keep your spirits up.
Shana Tova-
Chaya/Harriet
Here we are on Sept. 1-close to Rosh Hashana and a new year, which I pray will bring all of us a refuah shlaimah, courage to withstand what we must and to find some inner peace and enjoyment from this time we have allotted us on this planet.
I actually have no new news at this point. My oncologist is conferring with another top oncologist re some genetic issues. In the meantime, I am carrying on, pampering myself a bit after this period, being extremely fatigued still. But I try to enjoy what I can, and am so thankful to have come this far.
In the meantime, I wish each and every reader good health-do your tests and take good care physically and emotionally to keep your spirits up.
Shana Tova-
Chaya/Harriet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)