PEACE OF MIND? TO RELAX AND FORGET? DEC. 15-09

Shalom to my blog:
What a laugh, to think that I could forget and just live and enjoy solely. One small phone call from a medical personnel, and bingo-the worries are right back here. Calls I should have made, and am late doing, decisions to make or change. But on the surface, I must keep myself cool, friendly and 'with it'. I could say, "I can't do this", but that won't help. So I will put my 'company face' on, and keep going. There are many pleasant moments with friends, enjoying the idea of a holiday of Chanukah, but my mind keeps counting the days and hours until the 22nd of Dec. Yet, I know basically what's in store, but you never really know until it is announced again to you, with whatever additions or changes. Kind people have told me stories over and over again of how so many recover and have recovered so well, and how some have never needed the chemotherapy at all . Miracles do happen, but not that often, I am told by the knowlegeable experts. My only advice that I could pass on to another in this rocky boat is to do the best you can. We are not 'other' people, nor can we compare or wish to be like others-strong, positive, upbeat. I must deal with myself, my fears, my positive and negative emotions all in one. Now, that I've written all this, how do I feel? I needed to put it in writing, and perhaps, in rereading, I can find new perspective to get through this week. Many good events are to be this week, G. willing. The challenge is to know what is, and to enjoy anyways. This is really a tough challenge.